What a wonderful mother! I don't know how he does it, he gives time to everything! It is a super mom, right? I don't get into that because she does it better ... What a priori may seem like a compliment is actually a condemnation. Do not, don't call us supermamas: neither we are nor can we (nor do we want to be).
Maria is 34 years old, two children, a husband, a job, a house, a family and some friends. Maria is one of those mothers who always carry the snack ready in the bag, who sign up to decorate the child's class on Halloween, who cook that gives glory, who manage to take the children to extracurricular children (although the have each one at a point in the city), who organize birthdays that become a legend ... Maria is a supermam, and everyone tells her.
But Maria also has other things: a stress and a feeling of frustration like the cathedral of Burgos and, in addition, the self-esteem touched. What Maria doesn't have is time for her, to pamper herself and take care of herself. But that's how supermamas are, right? All sacrifice ...
I have to do everything, I have to be able to do everything, it is said, because mothers, oh mothers, we are heroines, right? Well, no, we are not, and it is good to try to make us believe otherwise.
A poisoned compliment
You are amazing, a super mom! This, that is said, sure, with the best of intentions, this that is undoubtedly thrown as a compliment, is actually almost like a condemnation: it sets standards for us that we "should" reach, and how impossible ...
- Is that there are moms that can.
- As "we should" be able to with all that we "have no right" to feel overwhelmed, overcome.
- If others can, What happens to me that I can't?
- "As she can, she must, so I don't do it"
Perfection does not exist, reaching everything is impossible and insane so trying to cover everything will only lead to high levels of stress and frustration, and eventually we will end up with low self-esteem.
Stress, feeling overwhelmed can also lead to mood disorders such as depression, as indicated by numerous studies and as recorded in this article by the APA (American Psychological Association).
Let's eliminate the "cancontodismo"
We cannot pretend to reach everything, we cannot be responsible for everything: it is physically and mentally impossible, and comparing with that canon is devastating. Let's start with fulminate the "I have to", which are horror. The first thing to do is try to catch us every time a I have to it passes us through the head, to immediately question it: do I really "have to ..."?
In the morning, before leaving home, or once a week, schedule as a couple what needs to be done and distribute the tasks, but in a realistic way: do not load yourself if you know you can not or that you will feel exceeded In this company that is the couple we are 50% partners.
For this not to be a super mom, we may also have to face two obstacles (depending on the case, of course, I am not offended): 1) the difficulty we may have due to our partner not wanting to get involved and not responsible (big issue where there are) and 2) learn to do something that sometimes, paradoxically, costs us a lot: delegate.
As the first gives for an article, a seminar and two books, we go for the second, which depends directly on us:
8:30 in the morning. About to leave home on the way to school and work. Today dad is in charge of dressing the girl. But when the baby is going to kiss mom and she sees “the pints” with which she goes, the impossible set with which her father intends to reinvent the children's fashion of the 21st century, takes it and in two minutes changes it up and down. Outside the polka dot t-shirt, the zebra print pants, the My Little Pony sneakers and, above all, the Martian antennas.
This, which is absolutely usual, only achieves two things: that we lose time (both dad and mom) and that we both feel bad for a daily activity that has no greater relevance (in the current educational system the lack of aesthetic criteria in the dressing does not condition the average grade of the file).
- Dad is going to feel bridged, no one, which is understandable, let's get in his place: I have done the work and in two minutes they have thrown it to me by earth. Then let her do it or tell me what to wear.
- Mom will feel that, in the end, she always ends up having to do it all.
The result? That task that we wanted to delegate is delegating it between zero and nothing and above all we feel frustrated.
Let's see, without the daddies of the world falling on me: the truth is that sometimes, some of you, do some aesthetic mixtures to send you directly to the jail of good taste, but ... but that can not be an excuse No argument for you to stop doing what needs to be done!
Be careful, with this I am not saying that the responsibility for “the other party” to do things, take responsibility for things, depends on whether we ask for women, what we lacked! What I mean is that sometimes the way in which we have some guidelines embedded in our mind that even ourselves, and despite the stress we may have, is hard for us to "let go."
Mamis, daddies, friends, family, human beings that populate the planet earth: please, we banish the "I can with everything" at once, "she can with everything" and forever strip the glamor and stupendousness that now we associate Superman was an alien and Wonder Woman daughter of the gods: Let's not ask a human being of flesh and blood (and very sleepy) to do heroicities, please.
Photos: Wonder Woman; Pixabay.com
In Babies and more: Seven habits of happy mothers that you can put into practice from today
