Five days ago Jessica Gomez wrote a message on Facebook for the girl in the green swimsuit that has become so viral that it has crossed borders by translating into other languages.
In this writing (below you have it) he talks about a girl who arrives at the beach with a group of friends and who hides to take off her clothes and stay in a swimsuit, sits on the towel studying the posture to try to cover her arms the parts of her body that she least appreciates and suffers when she accompanies a friend to bathe because she is exposing herself to others.
A girl in the green swimsuit that represents a large number of girls and boys, women and men (especially women, but also a man) who suffer and do not enjoy because they are not satisfied with their body.
It cannot be said that it is the fault of their parents, or not only, but we can say that parents can do much to avoid it. What can parents do so that our children are not 'the girl in the green swimsuit'?
The girl in the green swimsuit
First of all, you have to read Jessica's text to understand what I will explain later.
DEAR GIRL OF THE GREEN SWIMSUIT:I am the woman in the towel next door. The one that has come with a boy and a girl.
First of all, to tell you that I am having a very pleasant time with you and your group of friends, in this bit of time in which our spaces rub and your laughter, your 'transcendental' conversation and the music of your team invade me the air.
You know? I have hallucinated a little when I realize that I do not know at what time in my life I have gone from being there to being here: from being the girl to being “the lady next door”, from being the one who goes with friends to be The one that goes with the children.
But I don't write to you for any of that. I write to you because I would like to tell you that I have noticed you. I've seen you, and I couldn't help seeing you.
I've seen you be the last to take your clothes off.
I've seen you get behind the whole group, sneakily, and take off your shirt when you thought nobody was looking at you. But I saw you I didn't look at you, but I saw you.
I've seen you sit on the towel in a careful posture, covering your belly with your arms.
I have seen you put your hair behind your ear, ducking your head to reach it, perhaps because you did not move your arms from your studied casual position.
I have seen you stand up to go to bathe and swallow nervous saliva for having to wait like this, standing, exposed, to your friend, and using your arms once more as a stop to cover yourself: your stretch marks, your sagging, your cellulite.
I saw you overwhelmed by not being able to cover everything at once while you were leaving the group as secretly as you did before to take off your shirt.
I don't know if it had something to do, in your discontent with yourself, that the friend you were waiting for was releasing her very long mane on one back, which only lacked Victoria's Secret wings. And in the meantime you there, looking at the ground. Looking for a hiding place in yourself, of yourself.
And I wish I could tell you so many things, dear girl in the green swimsuit ... Maybe because I, before being the woman who comes with the children, have been there in your towel.
I wish I could tell you that, actually, I have been in your towel and your friend's. It was you and it was her. And now I am neither of them - or perhaps I am still both - so, if I could go back, I would simply choose to enjoy instead of worrying - or boasting - for things like which of the two towels, yours or yours I prefer to be.
I wish I could tell you that I have seen that you carry a book in your bag, and that any belly that is now sixteen will probably lose its smoothness long before you lose your mind.
I would like to be able to tell you that you have a beautiful smile, and that it is a pity that you are so busy hiding that you do not have time to smile more.
I wish I could tell you that that body you seem to be ashamed of is beautiful just for being young. What the fuck! It's beautiful just for being alive. For being wrapping and transporting who you really are and being able to accompany you as soon as you do.
I would love to tell you that I wish you could see yourself with the eyes of a woman in her thirties because maybe then you would realize how much you deserve to be loved, even for yourself.
I wish I could tell you that the person who one day really loves you will not love the person you are in spite of your body, but will love your body: every curve, every little hole, every line, every mole. He will love the unique and precious map that draws your body and, if he doesn't, if he doesn't love you like that, then he doesn't deserve to be loved.
I wish I could tell you that - believe me, believe me, believe me - you are perfect as you are: sublime in your imperfection.
But what am I going to tell you, if I'm just the woman next door?
Although, you know what? That I have come with my daughter. It is the pink swimsuit, which plays in the river and is spreading on sand. Today he was only worried if the water would be very cold.
I can't tell you anything, dear girl in the green swimsuit ...
But everything, EVERYTHING, I am going to tell her.
And everything, EVERYTHING, I will tell my son too.
Because that's how we all deserve to be loved.
And that's how we should all want.
So worried about hiding that it's like not living
Surely the text has impacted you to a greater or lesser extent, or because you feel this way, or because at some point you felt this way, or because you know someone who can be that girl. The shame of not being as dictated the current fake beauty canons (false, because even the models are retouched to reach them), the shame of feeling in the neck the pressure of a society that admires the one that is good and criticizes the one that is not, the shame of falling into the trap of believing that the important thing is the flower, and not the roots.
The well-known phrase says: "He fell in love with his flowers and not his roots, and in the autumn he did not know what to do." And yes, it is true that most people only look at the flower, but among all there is always someone who values the root: that conversation in which phrases flow; those moments of understanding when everything else disappears; that feeling that you already knew each other before; that sharing time and space feeling that you don't have to appear to be who you are not: when you can be yourself, or yourself, and you don't feel they are judging you. This is the way to love and be loved.
How to make our children not be the girl in the green swimsuit
The problem is of self-esteem. And the problem is old. Because when this girl in the green swimsuit grows, there will come a time when, most likely, it will give her exactly the same if she has a size or so, or if that swimsuit is not the one that fits her best.
But until it grows, Wouldn't it be worth trying to have a happier youth? One where you can love yourself and can love you? Because the best way to find a worthwhile partner is to love yourself and be well with yourself.
And here we enter the parents. Also the school, the institute and all the socializing entities: the television, the magazines, the cinema, the fashionable singers, the people who talk loudly, the friends who try to be funny at the cost of insulting the other, ... but yes, we too, the parents.
Because we can't control everything, ever, but yes we can lay the foundation of our children's self-esteem so that when the shipments arrive, they can support them better. So that when they want to make them doubt, they have more criteria. So that when someone wants to value them for their physique, they know that they are much more than what is seen of them.
Well, that self-esteem must be cultivated since they are born giving them our time and our love, so that they know dear, loved and important part of our lives. There are children who feel they bother their parents, how angry they always are. There are children who think that their parents would be happier without them, of the times they are humiliated. There are children who feel they don't deserve the love of their parents, because they continually tell them that "if you don't do this, mom won't love you," and the love that should be unquestionable always hangs in the balance and depends constantly on her behavior.
And how is a child's self-esteem cultivated?
No, it is not going back saying how well everything does. It is not a matter of exaggeratingly praising his achievements, because that is lying to him and it is also counterproductive. If we exaggerate their achievements and their milestones will end up depend on them and, not only will he behave with us, all day, like a circus monkey ("look mom, what I do ...", "look dad, what I know how to do ..."), but when I do it to other people to find your approval and reaction, and see that that does not happen, you will feel missed and without resources: does not the affection of others does not depend on my ability to surprise them?
The self-esteem of a boy or a girl is cultivated covering your affection needs:
- That feels loved and valued: You have to know that we want it, that it is a privilege for us to have it among us and that it is part of our lives. And you have to know that we will always love her, whatever you do. This does not mean that everything we decide to do will seem right, but love will never be in doubt.
- Feel safe: avoid forcing situations that make no sense like letting her cry as a baby when we could calm her down, let her cry at night when we could accompany her or scare her to get her to behave well (if you do that a monster will come, the police ...). Parents, their home, should be their corner of mental and emotional security; The place where no one will hurt your heart.
- That I can grow in a loving environment: That the girl has stability, that the parents be affectionate, that we have a sense of humor and let us show them how little we care what others think of us. May we be an example for her: respect, behavior, dialogue, giving and receiving love, etc.
- Have a balance between freedom and limits: so that you are free to move forward in life and make choices, but have clear and logical limits that teach you that your freedom ends where that of others begins, and that you cannot wish for others what she would not want for herself.
- Let the parents spend time with her: talk a lot, talk, negotiate, hug, kiss, love, play, run, jump, do things together, etc.
Such a childhood is what any child needs to feel loved and know respected. When someone knows he is respected, he is better able to respect others and will hardly laugh at anyone because of his physique because You will not need to act like a toxic person, which "turn off other lights so that their low brightness looks more".
Y when someone knows he is loved, he is more able to love and love himself, and knowing which people are worthwhile. Thus, it will hardly pay attention to other people's harmful opinions and it will be easier for their self-esteem not to depend solely on the opinions of others about their physique.
It's a job for parents and everyone, but we can start now, Do not you think?
Photos | Laura Bittner, Rolands Lakis on Flickr
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