"The biological clock call will come to you." "As soon as you have your baby in your arms you will know what to do." These are some of the statements that the idea that motherhood comes by pure instinct brings under her arm. There are women who always wanted to be mothers, some who did not decide until 30, and others ... who have decided not to be. So ... is there maternal instinct? What happens if I don't have that instinct? Can you be a good mother without maternal instinct?
The maternal instinct, understood as something that leads us uncontrollably to have children, does not exist, and therefore the famous "biological clock" either. Society, culture, environment or ideals are factors that do play a role in this of motherhood, which, as more and more experts indicate, is a decision, not an instinct.
On this point there is already a more or less unanimous agreement in the scientific community, and there are few studies that prove it.
Relatively recently, he jumped on the Orna Donath arena with his controversial book "Repentant Mothers" in which he presented the results of his study: some women (and not a few) regret having been mothers. Beyond this controversy, the sociologist claims to have found in her research that the maternal instinct does not exist.
What is an instinct?
To be clear if this of the maternal instinct, perhaps the first thing to do is to consider what we mean by "instinct." To consider a behavior as instinctive, it must gather a series of featuresAs being automatic, irresistible, it must be caused by some environmental factor and does not require training.
In addition to this, to consider something as instinctive must occur in all members of the species and is unmodifiable, that is, it cannot be changed. And this, now, does not happen with motherhood: not all women feel the unstoppable and unmodifiable desire to be mothers.
More than instinct, we talk about momentum or "tendency to"
In the case of humans many psychologists and psychiatrists speak not of instincts but of impulses. People are born with a series of innate impulses or guidelines that would condition our behavior in one direction or another, but they are not uncontrollable or unmodifiable as instincts.
We are capable of control our behavior. For example: eating when there is hunger is an instinct present in all species (because of survival) however humans are able to control this aspect and even dieting voluntarily.
In the animal world sex and procreation are inherently linked, but not in our case. For many centuries people have used (with greater or lesser success) contraceptive methods, until they reach the almost almost completely reliable current. Before it was sex = pregnancy, because there was no other, but now it is sex (with contraceptives) = pleasure, so motherhood is a decision (I speak in general, obviously sometimes things happen).
But this is not unnatural? Won't it lead us to extinction? Every day we are more and more human beings on earth, it does not look like precisely that motherhood is conscious, voluntary and thoughtful will end us as a species.
And when is our son born?
Perhaps the idea of instinct may have some more "truth" or meaning once our child is born, that the need to protect and care for him appears. The perpetuation of the species and avoiding extinction could be factors that justify this. In any case it is still not an unmodifiable pattern and that of course does not occur in all members of the human species, so that more than instinct again we would find ourselves with an impulse / tendency.
In this, as with the "biological clock," the myth of instinct serves as a vehicle of social pressure. With the idea of instinct they tell us that "naturally" we will know what to do, that women, because of what we are programmed for this, we hear the slightest noise that the baby makes, that we have a sixth sense about what happens ... But this is not quite like that.
It is true that there are "predispositions" to the care of babies, to meet their needs. For example, a study in Tokyo determined that mothers distinguish the crying and laughter of their baby from others, and that doing so activates specific circuits in their brain. But this study only focused on mothers, not fathers.
However, there is another study by the University of Saint-Etienne that determined that fathers and mothers are exactly as qualified to distinguish their baby's crying ... The researchers found that the ability to identify and cry their own baby is determined by the time spent with him, not because of the gender of the parent.
So what motivates us to be mothers?
These innate impulses that we have as a species depend on many factors, that is, they are modulated, they are modifiable, as I said before: today motherhood is a decision.
Some variables that can modulate, cancel, increase or decrease "the desire to be a mother" are for example the maternal model to which it has been exposed, social, personal, cultural, environmental factors, experiences, ideals ...
In addition these impulses towards motherhood they are not necessarily related to pleasure or satisfaction as you might think: a mother who did not want to be (but who has been for whatever reason) may enjoy greatly having her child in her arms, and on the contrary, that a mother who wanted to be above all things I am not enjoying anything at all.
In any case we should not forget how complex the human being is, the particularities of each case, of each culture, of each society. We must not ignore the absolutely bestial thing that motherhood is, in good and in bad, the impact it causes on the mother (and on the father, but today we talk about ourselves), the change that implies emotionally, vitally , Social… When there are so many variables at stake, thinking that everything depends on an instinct does not make much sense.
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In Babies and more: How do modern mothers feel about their motherhood?
