It may be that the arrival of your son has led to the departure of the occasional friendship, however the paternity, which has such a bad reputation for social relations, it can actually be a great opportunity to making new friends, to establish new and strong ties that enrich and accompany you: long live friends with children!
Much has been written about losing friendships when we become parents and yes, it is true, it can happen: times, availability or priorities can make incompatible relationships that we thought were unalterable, and that hurts. Yes, losing friends hurts, especially at times like the first months when what you need most is support.
However much less has been reported about what we win socially with fatherhood and, really, it's there, it exists and it's great.
In school, in the park, on birthdays, through social networks ... there are many ways by which with the arrival of parenthood our social life can be enriched.
Yes, you guessed it: I mean those other daddies that come into our lives and that (although we get a little bitty at the beginning, which sometimes happens) come to us like May water.
Eye, I'm not saying that once we have children relations with friends without kids are condemned to extinction, or that it is not feasible to establish new friendships with people without children ...
Why is it so good for us to have friends with children?
1. We understand, understand and have the same expectations
- When you meet a friend who also has children, she will not be surprised if in the middle of a sentence you stop looking at her because you are checking that your child is not redecorating the walls with that blue pencil in her hand.
- When you meet another couple who has children, we all know that after eating you have to find a place where children can play and / or rest to avoid drama scenes.
Yes, when you meet someone who is in your same situation, or who has been through it recently, the expectations are the same: we all know what can happen, so that we do not feel frustrated, rather the opposite, we feel understood.
2. We share tasks
For example: one feeds them while another erases the paintings on the walls preparing dessert fruit.
Although each family may have different routines, being in a group allows you to combine the tasks (you know that when a child sees another eat ...) so that care no longer falls exclusively on an adult, but is diluted among several: faster, easier (sometimes, of course)
3. Our children play and share
It is not the same to spend an afternoon playing alone while mom and dad talk about their things with their friends than spend an afternoon of crazy games (so the bedrooms stay later, right?) With friends.
These social encounters allow interactions with equals for both us and our children, they are all advantages!
Possible obstacles to our new friendships
1. Our children were friends and now they are no longer
The friendship created around the relationship of our son with a friend can falter at the moment when the children stop wanting to be together, which on the other hand is most common among the children.
The majority of relations between adults that are based exclusively on the friendship of their children with each other are in danger of ending the first exchange, before which we could do two things:
- Understand that they are temporary relationships (ours, those of adults), which benefit us and are convenient and practical while they last, but have an expiration date.
- If we are comfortable and we have fit in very well, we may be interested, in order to avoid losing friendship, set other anchor points that is not exclusively the relationship of our children, creating a background that of entity by itself to our friendship. How? Being in contexts that are not exclusively school or related to school, establish links between these families and other friends of ours, so that the relationships are integrated, or deepening the level of intimacy we share.
2. We have different parenting styles
A priori it may seem a reason for discrepancy and conflict, but it is not, rather the opposite: sharing time and space with people with different criteria than ours can be a source of enrichment, for all.
Also, if we always ask others for respect about how we raise our children ... aren't we going to be able to do it ourselves? Respecting other parents, their guidelines and ideas, is something that we sometimes practice little and that we should exercise a little more.
3. Our children have had a conflict
When children spend time with other children, rubbing or "fights" is not uncommon, right? However, if there is a conflict between the children, it should not be a reason for "rupture", it can be a very good educational and coexistence opportunity.
But what if the other daddy takes action regarding my son or scolds him? The "interference" in the discipline guidelines for our children we usually live as something truly invasive ...
A good communication and lay the foundations in advance What and what does not seem right to us will be fundamental if we really have an interest in making our friendship relationship last. Of course, if you consider that it has been exceeded do not miss it.
Making friends as adults (and parents) is not always easy, but with a little effort and a lot of love we can get it and surely we all win, either a friendship forever ... or one that fits the school calendar.
Photos: Friends with kids;
In Babies and more: //www.bebesymas.com/nuestras-experiencias/como-encontrar-otras-mamas-cuando-eres-la-unica-de-tu-grupo-de-amigas-con-hijos
