When the child grows up he is all emotivity, and their explosive expressions of tantrums, screams or anger, are natural. And more than behaviors that must be redirected or controlled, we must think that they mean something and that they can hide, especially if they are exaggerated, an emotional suffering that only in this way are they knowing how to get out.
Emotions and especially if they are in explosive discharge They serve to express and also give us clues about what is in the soul of our son. Do not control them, or scold for it, or make fun or get angry. Emotions heal and convey the need of the child.
Consider, for example, a girl who starts beating at four years, to break things, not wanting to eat or urinating again. Claim attention, not because it is capricious or manipulative. Ask for what you need. And it seems that what you need is more loving and exclusive attention if possible. It is telling us something, and we can reach it if we listen to what these downloads express. The arrival of a little brother before she was prepared to see her mother distributed or a non-respectful or premature addition to school can trigger these attitudes.
But the girl in our story does not need us to teach her to control herself, or punish her, or make her feel that she is bad or selfish. He needs us to get to the concern that makes him want to scream like this. Of course he wants to get our attention. But he calls us because he needs us and doesn't know how to tell us what he feels. The girl in our example may ask for the bibe, the breast or the pacifier again. You may need to sleep by our side. You may even need to wear a diaper again. The problem is none of that. Actually, if one temporary regression or certain rituals tranquilizers help you feel close and careful again that will help.
We may also face tantrums, bad manners and even begin to paste. Obviously this is a problem, especially if it hits your little sister or her classmates. This can leave bewildered parents who have always believed that it does not stick, that hitting does not solve the problems as much as those who exercise a more traditional style authority and do not discard a cheek.
If at home we hit even a cheek from time to time to children, if we punish or shout at them, perhaps this is the first thing we can work to modify it. Children do what they see, not what we tell them. If we do not respect them, they will not be respected or respect others. If we send because we are older and must obey before a shout or a physical imposition, do not be surprised that they try after imposing themselves by force on others.
If we never hit anyone at home, we never hit the elderly or hit the helpless children, we can also find ourselves without arguments when discovering this attitude in our children. But rather than sanctioning with authority or transmitting disappointment we must make an active listening to be able to understand from where the child is born the violence and accompany him in the healing process, which normally who is going to demand to change first is us.
The emotions of this type they are not their manifestation but what causes them in the background, insecurity or fear or loneliness. We can reach children, but performing an active listening process, because they are not always able to express what they feel in words.
