Being a mother is very hard: pregnancy, childbirth, postpartum, establishing breastfeeding, lack of sleep, a baby that requires constant attention ... But it is also very rewarding: his look that follows you, the first smile, when he heads looking for the chest, the first time he says something like "mom" ...
The parents, for many diapers that we change at dawn, for many times that we bathe the baby, give massages to the mother or take care of the house, we suffer infinitely less. Of course, in return, we also miss many things. That's why, because you give us a little envy, sometimes parents also want to be a mom.
This feeling, which germinated inside me at the same time that my daughter was placed in her mother's arms, and seemed to fit like a key and her lock, It was accentuated when I had to return to my post of "job" after paternity leave.
I put it in quotes because the real work stays at home. A month-old baby is so exhausting that, compared, going to the office is like going on vacation every day. But it's a bitter vacation, like when you're going on a trip with friends to try to heal a broken heart.
In Babies and more The 13 daily discussions you will have with your partner when you are a parentLuckily, when I returned home, the two loves of my life were there waiting for me. The disheveled mother on the couch, the baby crying in her arms because she couldn't sleep, and I, trying to make up for my absence even though my “vacations” had also been exhausting.
In my particular case, in addition, that bittersweet feeling was not only limited to those first special months. My partner could not rejoin the labor market after maternity leave, and right now her job is to take care of our little one.
Starting at six months, babies are much more fun. They start to eat, to point things out, to laugh, to play, to say their first words, to crawl ... Sometimes, when I get home in the afternoon, it seems that a week has passed since I left, of all the things that have happened.
In Babies and more Your baby needs very little to be happy: everything you will buy and just use All those little lost moments, although they may seem inconsequential, they are slowly making a dent in my heart, as water is capable of drilling the rock drop by drop. Over time, they take the form of something that I would not call sadness, but something similar to melancholy, I would dare to say that fear of nostalgia, mixed with a hint of rage and frustration.
To that is added the emotional weight that supposes to be the economic support of the family, and that maintaining that responsibility is what does not allow me to spend so much time with my daughter.
Although the work of a mother (or whoever takes care of the baby, whoever) is exhausting and has no breaks for coffee, vacations, or weekends. Although stopping your career at a crucial time is a very delicate matter, being who stays at home has an advantage, for me, incomparable: enjoy your little one. There is nothing to overcome or compensate for it, and there is no way to recover it. In your life you will work for many years, but your baby is only going to be a baby once.
That is why, many times, parents also want to be a mom. And so, more than ever, we must fight together for equality. So that the mothers do not have to give up their career to stay with the children, nor the parents have to be the ones who "bring the bread home" if they would rather take care of the children in the house.
That, and maternity and paternity leave comparable to other European countries. Like Germany, where both parents have a year off which they can enjoy simultaneously or one after another, thus sharing the pleasure and work of raising their children.
Photos | Derek Owens, Kelly Sikkema, Tina Bo and Picsea
