A few days ago I reflected on The friends I've been moving away from since I was a mother. It is not only those who do not have children and continue with “single” plans that we can no longer join and are moving away, I mean those who are lost due to issues of parenting philosophy.
Did it happen to you that you have lost some friendship since you have opted for parenting style different than usual?
Inevitably, when we are mothers and fathers, our children transform our lives and, in some cases, this means that we reach conclusions about what the parenting style adequate that make us collide with other people or simply make us annoying or strange.
Pressures of the environment
We have already talked many times about negative comments suffered by parents who decide for breastfeeding beyond the first months, or sleep with their children, or those who do not apply punishment to children. The pressure can be enormous and lead us to clashes with friends or family who question us, make fun of us or make unwanted negative comments.
It is a very complicated issue, because, on the one hand, the logical thing is that we continue to give our children a way of life that we believe better for them and not give in to the pressures, but, on the other, those people sometimes do not do it with bad intention (in others, yes, the truth).
Experiences and disagreements
Co-workers who made fun of the extra kilos or that I would rather use my breastfeeding time to breastfeed my son instead of going, like them, to the gym. There have been, of course.
Known that, without me giving my opinion on your parenting style, very detached, they seemed offended because I took my son in my arms or wanted to spend more time with him. Of those, of course there have been.
Family members, fortunately not directly, who considered themselves entitled to tell my son that he was older to breastfeed or that it was time to go to bed. Regarding education, they said less, by now he had made the limits clear.
Maybe at the beginning I was very passionate and explained, with great detail and offering truthful and proven information, Reasons for parenting that respects the needs of children. I gave long talks about the reasons for preferring a respected birth, the benefits of prolonged breastfeeding, the joys of the colecho or the reasons for not raising my son's hand and that made them feel that I criticized them. Then, I preferred to shut up, even be grim reaper when asked, giving a list of resources and explaining little about the personal sphere.
The friends with whom I have cut
But there have been issues in which the disagreement has barely occurred and I have decided to cut the relationship myself. And I mean the “friends” who defended punishing children or hitting them. I cannot relate to abusers, whatever previous friendship we have had when I realize that witnessing certain things is not suitable for my child and that I could not help those children.
I cannot be a friend or have a close relationship with people who mistreat another, be it a man, a woman or a child. Equally I'm not friends with people who abuse to the animals. Do you think it is a radical position?
No, I don't mean anything reportable, but those standardized abuse. Calling a three-year-old girl a slut who, a newborn baby, was again peeing. Punish without dinner the child who did not want the soup. Give a cheek or a cake and put in his room that was too unruly and annoying at the meeting of adults.
A personal story
Memory a friend of years who lived in another city. They came to pay me a visit with their six month old baby. My son should not be two years old. When it was time for a nap, they asked me to put her in my son's crib (which was full of clothes to fold, as always). They left her there. The girl was crying. They closed the blind. The girl was crying. They closed the door. The girl was crying. And she continued to cry for the next three hours without her parents attending to her.
The father, more empathetic, came in from time to time to see if he was well. The mother scolded her, the girl was teasing them, if she did not want to sleep that she could stand it, she did not intend to take it. My son entered the room and stood in the crib, trying to comfort her.
Very softly, thinking about whether I could help, I asked them their reasons. The answer was not kind, they already knew that I was one of those who do not let the children cry and consent, that they did not want to hear my rolls about that it hurts them. They wanted obedient children to control their emotions. I did not invite them anymore.
Over time I have realized that I tend to choose my friends for affinity reasons, for sharing tastes or ideas, but among the most important issues that make a person pleasant to me is their opinion about respectful parenting and their attitude when they discover my way of thinking. In fact, today, my best friends have appeared since I was a mother and share with me the idea that children are not beaten, they are not punished and they are not done anything that would be bad if they were made to an adult .
In the end, respecting people, even if they are children, is an indispensable issue so that I can feel appreciation for another person. I have left, by my parenting style, friends along the way, but I have won many and better. Has the same thing happened to you?
In Babies and more | Friends with children and friends without children, Weddings without children, The isolation of mothers who breastfeed for a long time
