When a baby is born there are many people around the parents who begin to express their opinions regarding parenting. Family, friends, neighbors ... there is always someone who has something to suggest about how to raise, educate or feed the newborn!
Any opinion, expressed from respect and affection, is always welcome. In fact, there are suggestions that can help us see things differently, or even give us some information we didn't know. But, What to do when the opinions of others get to saturate the recent parents?
With the first child ... everyone thinks!
Most parents say that suggestions and advice come, especially, after the birth of the first child. And is that first timers are often the focus of criticism and opinions as soon as they begin their journey as parents.
Perhaps inexperience, fears and doubts make the environment exploit this vulnerability to advise on all kinds of aspects related to the baby:
"Are you going to give it a tit again?"
The way of feeding the child is usually one of the most criticized and judged aspects for the environment, from the moment the baby is born. If the mother opts for breastfeeding, she must often face comments that call into question the quality and quantity of her milk, with claims that ensure that "the child is hungry because milk is not good / sufficient".
Similarly, mothers who decide to bottle feed should be respected in their decision, as many claim to feel pressured by others to breastfeed their baby against their will.
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Another controversial issue is the baby's dream. Everyone is interested in knowing how much and, above all, how your child sleeps. Generally, the parents who opt for colecho are the most criticized, with alarmist and unsubstantiated opinions that speak of "insecure and dependent children who will not leave the parents' bed until they go to college."
The number of night awakenings, the number of hours you sleep, if you do it in bed, cradle or arms, if you sleep or do not nap ... are also critical aspects for others, especially when you compare what your baby does with "the son of your cousin, who already sleeps eight hours at night. "
"He is manipulating you with crying"
Baby crying is another topic that captures opinions and advice of all kinds. Since it is important that "children cry to have their lungs widen", until through crying "the baby learns to manipulate us."
But few people talk about the importance of quickly attending to the baby's crying, as it is shown that a child who feels neglected in this regard can suffer important consequences.
"Do not take it in your arms that you will spoil"
Taking the baby in your arms is also usually a practice questioned by family and friends. And there are many who say that "the child is going to get used to it or we will spoil it if we always have it in our arms", and that if we do not avoid it as soon as possible "it will destroy our backs" as it grows.
But children need arms and hugs for their correct emotional development, to grow safe and confident, and to feel loved. Because what shelter is better for a child than the arms of their parents, whatever their age?
"Isn't he too old to go backpacking?
And in line with the above, porting also comes into play. When we carry a baby, everyone shows his tender side, but as the child grows, disapproving looks and comments from those who think that I would be old enough to walk.
There are also those who insist that the child "goes very bored in the backpack", and that that would be solved by placing him forward, without being aware that this advice has very negative repercussions on the baby and the carrier.
"This child what he needs is a good punishment"
Another controversial issue is the education of the child, and there are many whothey advise parents how to educate their own children. Sometimes they propose to "cheat on time" and others impose an "exemplary punishment", but there is always something to say before a tantrum or what society considers child "bad behavior".
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One of the aspects in which people usually get in is the way to educate the baby. And if parents choose to do it at home and don't take him to daycare, usually face all kinds of opinions that increase as the child grows.
In general, these revolve around the benefits of daycare centers for the socialization of the child ("there they learn to share", "thus she detaches herself from her mother's skirts" ...) and for her immunization ("everything that gets sick in the nursery will no longer get sick at school ").
"Still with a diaper?"
The diaper and the exact moment to leave it It is another aspect that generates more comments and opinions. The neighbor, the grandmother, the teacher, the sister-in-law ... everyone seems to know when you have to remove your baby's diaper, which usually coincides with the arrival of spring or summer. However, in most cases people do not take into account the signs that indicate whether or not your child is prepared for this important step.
There are also comments that revolve around the baby's clothes, whether or not it is too warm, if she should wear a dress or pants, or if the color of the clothes is appropriate to her sex. In this regard, there are also those who think about the decision of the parents to make their daughter pending or not.
What to do before the opinions of the environment?
Although, probably, much of the opinions that recent parents receive are from family or friends concerned about the baby's well-being, it is important not to get carried away and listen to our own instinct.The fundamental problem is that in many cases it is about unsolicited opinions that come in times of extreme vulnerability for parents, caused by fatigue, inexperience or the feeling of not knowing if they are doing things right.
In Babies and more, are you a new mother? Get ready to receive hundreds of opposing tipsAnd while in those precise moments there are opinions that can become a table of salvation, others only get that parents doubt their ability to raise or educate their own child, and end up totally lost about how to act.
That is why it is essential that, with the full support of the couple, the mother manages to abstract herself from the opinions of others and listen to her own instinct and her baby, because it is who best knows how to tell her what to do in each situation.
And if there are times when parents feel lost, confused and worriedThe most important thing is to never compare yourself with others, because each parent and each child is unique, and seek help. Sometimes that help can come from the pediatrician, from a lactation consultant, from a parenting group, from a family member or friend who does not judge or criticize you ... Because in those moments what parents need is for someone to support them and tell them : "you are doing well".
Photos | iStock
