I remember that the day I knew I was going to be a father for the first time I received the news with joy and I felt confused because Miriam was also very happy, but at the same time very worried. He confessed that he was very afraid of childbirth and that he did not know if he would be able to give birth. A friend said something similar to me once: "To me that they sleep me and they take it out to me, and that they wake me up when everything is finished".
Both situations were produced by the fear something bad could happen, fear born of stories that someone has told of terrible births, stories with unhappy endings and even experiences of pain and suffering that make people think that "well if this has hurt me, I do not want to imagine how will the delivery be. " It is lawful to be afraid, it is logical that there are women who have it, but it can be counterproductive and now we will talk about it: why a woman should not give birth in fear.
Fear can be paralyzing
As I said It is lawful for a woman to be afraid of childbirth, just as there are people who are afraid of needles, dogs, spiders or who can't stand to see the blood. It is something psychological, it is something that overcomes our reasoning on many occasions and can be overcome. Now, is the fear of childbirth rational, or is it irrational? A rational fear is one that is right. If I see my son approaching an open window with the intention of looking out, I will quickly feel fear, fear of falling, fear of something happening to him, and I will be talking a rational fear. A irrational fear It is one that does not make much sense, something like feeling fear because my son moves away two meters from me in an area where there is no danger around, or feel fear because a small spider approaches me, when it is impossible for me to do anything .
This said the fear of giving birth can be rational, if a woman has had a traumatic previous delivery, if she has seen terrible births, if on ultrasound they are telling her that there could be a problem or if they have told her stories not to sleep, or even rational if you are giving birth and see that labor is dilating too much in time, if professionals start running and if they start commenting on things between them, but it can also be irrational, if you convince yourself that labor is going to go wrong and everything will be twisted when it is a normal pregnancy and there is no data to suggest that there will be a problem.
All this to explain that there are two different ways of feeling fear, if fear can be classified, that that fear will be paralyzing whatever the origin and that it may be easier to work on women who are irrationally afraid than others, because they can be helped to make something rational that is not rational.
Paralyzing to the point of making a birth go wrong
The problem is that fear, wherever it comes from, blocks. Create a concern, a spin on the subject, a continuous discomfort when you think about it that ends up affecting the whole body. For this reason, when a woman has to give birth the last thing she has to feel is fear, because then the birth could go wrong (and now I just instilled the fear of being afraid during the birth ... good for me).
Let's say that when we feel fear we cannot let our body do other more bodily things like giving birth, as we have commented, like enjoying sexual intercourse, etc. You can't because they are situations and moments in which the mind must disconnect to let the body flow.
One cannot be making love with his partner thinking that the next day he does not know what obligations and a woman cannot give birth thinking that something can go wrong, that the doctor has looked at him with a worried face or that You will be able to give birth, to give some examples.
It cannot, because for a delivery to go well the woman's body must begin to secrete some hormones such as norepinephrine, responsible for the fetal ejection reflex (and also responsible for the ejaculation and orgasm reflex) and the oxytocin, who is the director of childbirth. Both hormones can be altered, or affected, if there is a high presence of adrenalin, which is the hormone that is activated when the body becomes defensive, that is, when it feels fear.
Preparing for childbirth
That is why any woman who feels fear, whether rational or irrational, towards the time of giving birth should try to work with that sensation, either alone, either with help (preferably with help, to achieve better results), to mitigate it the more best. You must talk to someone about it, you must explain it, you must give your reasons and you should receive words of understanding, sincere words, words that serve to redirect those paralyzing sensations and to make the woman feel capable of giving her best, able to give birth, able to do it. These words can come from a professional, they can come from your mother or grandmother, or from your partner. Words that do not fall into paternalism or the minimization of "quiet, nothing happens, everything will be fine", but words that can truly give power and security.
And what words are those?
Well, you can imagine it, those that come from people who have had good births, pleasant births or births that were difficult, but could end well. Words of women who had bad births, but had professionals who helped them. Words that say that each birth is different, that you can have a first bad birth but a second good birth. Words from people who explain what a delivery really is, what happens there, how is everything going to be, what can you feel, explain why it is important not to go around things at that time, to suggest the accompaniment of someone who provides maximum confidence and security, which can to be the couple or it may not be, to tell what that is what many call "childbirth planet", that place that only a woman who is in childbirth knows, who should be let go, without trying to avoid it, so that all body is set in motion to what is important at that time and so that it blocks thoughts, doubts, concerns, insecurities and fears, before all this is what blocks the body.
If this happens, if a woman is able to reach childbirth feeling safe, knowing the possible eventualities of childbirth, with information and with tools to move forward feeling the different changes, thinking positively about it (seeing the contractions, for example, as waves of sensations that make the baby closer to knowing us) and making what you need at any moment (singing, panting, shouting, moving or whatever it takes), the delivery will be better.
If the professionals who attend it are also prepared not to disturb and act in a conscious and respected way, explaining what they are going to do, knowing their desires before the questions arise, if they speak in a low voice and if they choose do not hinder and do not act unless necessary, the delivery will go better or, at the very least, you will have the optimal conditions to do so.
