We often tell you that a highly recommended exercise when raising and educating children is trying to understand them. Be empathetic and put ourselves in their place to know what they are living and, thus, get a little closer to their affliction or annoyance and thus know the reason for their behavior.
Speaking of babies, there are many parents who do not quite understand how it may be that when leaving the baby alone in the crib or bassinet he starts to cry, or he sleeps five or ten minutes and wakes up again, when it seemed that he was transposed for hours, or why if he stays only for a moment, he also cries, if he is safe between the four walls of his room.
Well, the answer is quite simple, but few parents know or internalize it: If your baby does not see you, it does not smell and does not feel you, does not know that you exist.
The bassinet next to the bed
It is always said that the problem is when he does not see you, and it is true, but there is something else. That is, if he does not see you, if he loses you from his visual field, if you disappear, for him you no longer exist. And while you are distracted with a toy, color or moving pot, you will forget to think that you do not exist, but since these things have limited fun, then he will realize that he is alone and will cry.
There are mothers who wonder how it is possible that having him next to him in bed, without touching him, sleeps half well and having him in the bassinet, stuck to the bed, theoretically not much further, sleeps fatally.
As said, it is possible that there, next to the bed, with the minimum light of the lamps that we put at night to see them they can open their eyes a moment, see that we are at their side and continue to sleep so calmly. But I almost opted more for a matter of smell, noise and recognition of presence.
In the bassinet, although it is open, impossible to see you. In the bassinet, for having four walls and being a little sunk inside our breaths come with less force, and possibly hear us far away. In the bassinet, by having four walls, we can be by his side, even playing the bassinet, but for him we will be far away.
In bed, however, you can see us, you can smell us without problem, you can hear us much closer and you can notice our close presence. And if they don't notice it, they can move one arm or one leg to achieve contact. And it may seem a lie, but that little leg on top of our body, that little hand that contacts our skin, is enough to make you feel accompanied.
The walls that protect them
Something similar happens when it is daytime and we put the child in a crib, in a gym or in a park and leave the room for anything (we already know that sometimes you have to make food, answer the phone, shower and things So). In a matter of minutes, or seconds, the child start complaining about being alone. You think he complains about something else, that he has pooped, that he will be hungry or whatever, but no, is to catch it and stop crying, release it and do it again, take it and calm down again.
You think it is absurd, that there is no danger, that you are at home, sheltered by a roof, walls and protected by mom, dad or both, that there are no animals that can attack you, or rain that can wet you, or cold that your delicate skin freezes, or a floor full of stones and holes where you can be uncomfortable. There is none of that and yet he does not accept being there.
Why? Well because we know that, dad and mom, but they don't know. They don't know anything about roofs, walls, rains or stones. In fact they don't even know anything about animals and dangers. They just feel that being alone is not right and that's why they ask for contact and care. They only know that if they don't see you, if they don't smell you, if they don't hear you and if they don't feel you, you don't exist, and they want you to exist. They need you to exist.
