Love is not eternal. Or it is not always eternal. There are couples that last a lifetime because they always love each other, there are others that last a lifetime, although they don't always love each other and there are others that break. Sometimes it happens before being parents and sometimes once they are parents.
This separation, separation with children, is a hard and difficult decision to make because it influences not only parents, but also children. That is why parents should be very clear, and children also, that the parents, despite the separation, remain parents.
"Now we are not a couple, now we are a family"
Not all couples and families think like me, but I've always seen it that way. Once my wife and I had children, we stopped being a couple to become a family. Wherever we go, we go together adults and children (I speak, obviously, of leisure moments, that I go to work alone). This means that for us the relationship between her and me is as important as the relationship between her and the children and the relationship between the children and me.
When a couple separates, what ends is the couple. The relationship between mother and father. That link is broken. Those bonds that were created long ago are formally separated by a relationship that has probably been malfunctioning for some time. It is chosen so that one, or both, stop suffering and to ask for a new opportunity to life. But the children are there and they must be very present for the father and mother.
The needs of the children remain the same
Separating ourselves from our partner is a big change in our life. A huge change, but a change that we should try to disturb children as little as possible. I am not talking about hiding or lying to you. I'm talking about keeping in mind that the children have the same needs and expect the same relationship as when dad and mom were together at home, or as similar as possible.
There are parents who don't take this into account and just start a war that, like every war, usually ends badly. In this case, as there are third parties involved, children, the final results can be disastrous. Isn't war the failure of dialogue? For parents must do everything possible and everything impossible not to fail in the world of words, negotiations and agreements, in order not to start that battle.
Children suffer, because they imagine, believe or know, according to age, that they are going to lose one of their parents or, in a way, both of them. The absence, the depression of one or both, the change of attitude, the separation from mom or dad because they will be less time at home, all this makes them appear problems of self-esteem, behavior, sadness, depression, etc..
And this, parents, we have to try to minimize it as much as possible. The first thing is be honest with them and explain things as they are, adapting the language to the capacity of each child, according to age. Second, be clear that what is broken is the bond between the parents, but not the bond of each parent with the children. That should never be broken, because children, as I say, still need their father and mother, even if separately. And third, try to don't break up with other family members either. If before the separation there was a relationship with cousins, uncles and grandparents, this relationship should continue.
That is, ultimately, parents must continue to maintain and nurture our relationship with their children, so that they do not feel any loss on that side. It is obvious that everything will change: mom and dad will no longer be together, but if mom and dad continue to have a close and stable relationship with them, the separation will not be so painful for children, who are not part of the decision but are part involved .
