It is often said that men are stronger than women and it should be clear from this that we are braver (in reality, we are more reckless) and better able to endure hardships and pain. However, except for honorable exceptions, most men are quite embarrassing when it comes to suffering, and it is that we actually endure less pain and bear less disease than women.
You just have to think about them when they get sick, they keep on doing their daily life, with more or less difficulty, but always looking forward and thinking about us, when we get sick, we almost asked to leave work, we We lay on the bed and ask that nobody bother us because "I'm fatal, honey, don't ask me anything." So knowing this, one wonders: What would happen if we had to give birth to us?
Already in pregnancy
Surely in pregnancy we would begin to complain, that if "my back hurts, that I can't stand up, give me something for the pain", that "do a urine test that I piss a lot and for me that I have infection ", that" how could it be that I don't have an infection if I spend the day in the toilet ", that" to see how laxative they can give me that I am half constipated and I need to shit every day ".
"What will an analytical do to me? For what? If you already made me one 3 months ago! And besides, why do I have to come to the doctor so much? In what I have been pregnant you have done me more tests and more visits than in all my life, and total, for nothing! I can't take anything for constipation, I have some burning of the copon and I have to put up with it, my back is killing me and you tell me to put warmth on my back, I piss so much that I'm about to put on a diaper and you just prick me and put gel on my belly to see how the baby is ... and pull, 'that you are going to listen to his little heart and you will love this', you tell me, and of course I like it, but this is an ordeal. "
"That calms me down? How do you 'calm me down? I'm already calm! You will know what it is to get pregnant. Sure, how are you woman, no damn idea. But the one who suffers is me. I already wish that you could get pregnant yourself, you were going to tell me to calm down ... surely you would be climbing the walls, that if I know, I would stay again. Look, I do it for my son, if not, the balls! "
After the equator of pregnancy, 21 weeks
"Hey, there is a short time left, right? When did they say he was playing? December?" "No, honey, they said that by spring ... in March, surely." "March !? But what do they want, what is it about? If I can't take it anymore! Look what belly is getting, and back! I'm going to call to see if they can do an X-ray for me me that I have had to break some vertebra with so much weight ... or I must have bone wear, or the same is the pinched nerve. " "Do not call, they will tell you the same as yesterday, that pregnant women cannot do an x-ray," she says. "And a tac?" "Do not". "Magnetic resonance?" "Neither". "What if they open my back directly and fix broken vertebrae?" "I'm going for a walk… ". "What? You leave me alone with how bad I am going through it? But you don't know what this is for me ?! I've been suffering for so many days that I just need to have an almorrana, like Luis, that the poor don't see how he has his ass ... because now that I think about it, days ago it hurts a little when I poop ... could you just look at my ass for a moment? Honey? Honey, are you at home? "
Weeks before giving birth
"Go, call the doctor." "Again? If I called two hours ago!" She replies. "Now, but this is not normal. Come and look at my ankles and tell me if it seems normal that I have them so swollen. And so much belly, is it necessary? If I am going to piss and I do not even I see! I will start pissing in the shower, because in the toilet I don't know if I'm pissing inside or directly outside ... and look, the last thing I want is to leave the floor wet and slip with my own urine. Call, run ... and tell him to see if he can come home, it is hard for me to move. "
"By the way, honey, How much do i have left? I think we have already passed ... the baby will come out with a mustache and asking me for money to go to the disco ... really, these doctors, go useless panda, who do not even know how to count weeks. "" You have two weeks left ... I I'm going for a walk that I see you start again. "" Nooo (crying), don't let me ... I've been here on the couch for almost a month without moving. I will have to call the ambulance to take me to the emergency room the day I have to give birth, because I can't even move ... Hey, since you go out, could you bring me a hamburger? "
Labor day
"Call now! Tell them that we are going there, reserve an operating room, maximum urgency, leave me the phone, and explain to themAAAAUUUUHHHHHHHH !!! Ostia what pain! But that I will have a baby or the devil in person !? This one kills me! Darling! " "Tell me." "That I love you (crying), that I am sorry, that I wanted to be happy with you, that we were a family with our baby and that, but that I am not going out of this. How long have I already had contractions and this has not yet come out, how many hours?". "You've been around a quarter of an hour and you've only had two contractions ..." "Yes! But what two contractions! Doctors and scientists will come to study my case because I am suffering from the queens of contractions ... what do I say queens, the DIOSAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUHHHHHHHHHHH! My life, I have not made the will, run, Bring me a napkin or something and I say that everything is for you and the baby. Tell him about me, tell him that I was a brave man, that he was a good person and that I gave my life for him. " "Ok, honey, I tell her." "Hey, aren't you too cold to be talking about my last hours? You could have more consideration, which is about to break my spine ... Am I bleeding? Because I'm like dizzy. Tell them to put blood bags on me!" "Honey, we haven't reached the car yet. When we get there you tell them if that. Go, open your eyes and you'll see where we are going." "Car? What car? Have you taken me to the parking lot? To the rooftop! We have to go upstairs, let the helicopter pick us up! Give me the cell phone I call ... arrggghhh, there's no coverage here. Helicopter! Help! ! Emergencies! That-O-That! My wife is not getting involved with my extreme suffering. Oh! you see a light when you die. I feel so good, now, I think I can leave. " "If you keep quiet for a while, I can drive to the hospital without an accident ... And let go of the steering wheel, I'm not going to go faster because you turn it on me!"
The arrival at the hospital
"Emergency! I bleed out! I think my uterus has broken! The baby must have left the belly! He himself has had a caesarean section and has gone out, and I can't hear him! ? " "Yes, honey, calm down ... you are doing very well. He hasn't come out yet, why did you lie on a stretcher?" "Because I can't do it anymore! Hey, you, the white one, come here and get me the boy! This is an emergency, do you realize ?!" "But sir, I'm just a companion ... I come with my mother who is sick." "And why are you going white, to mislead ?!" "I like white ..." "Out, don't serve me! Soooocorrroooooo! Honey, do you know where we have to go?" "Yes, of course, I have only to go where I hear men shout for urgent help ... in that hallway I seem to hear several. Let's see if we arrive and talk to each other."
"Take it out now, ostia! Let me sleep! Love, have you already given them the birth plan?" "Do you mean that sheet where you put 'Let my legs sleep ... no, you better sleep me whole and give me the child a few days later, when I'm recovered'?" "Yes, that one! Do you have it?" "No, honey. I haven't brought it. I think that thinking about the baby doesn't seem the best, nor thinking about you." "What? It's that even you don't respect my decisions. You all have me childish! I'm not a small child, I can make my own decisions!"
After several hours of delivery, the baby is born
"My mother, how handsome he is. What a pity that I cannot move, I would take it if I could, but this thing of staying quadriplegic is what it has ... I already told you that I had broken a vertebra or something and you ignored me. And look what has happened now, I am prevented. " "No, honey, you're not. You're just tired. You've fainted because you couldn't stand the pain anymore. Then you have regained consciousness and lost it again when you saw that you were breaking water. Then you have recovered it again and as you have told the gynecologist that at the exit you wait to beat her up, while you took her from the robe, all because she didn't take the child out of you, they ended up sleeping ... come on, that you have had the worst possible birth because the child was taken instead of giving birth and now you're dusted by anesthesia. "
"Did I tell him that?" "Yes". "Have I pooped on me? Because I didn't want to ..." "I'm going down the hall, I think your parents have come." "Wait! What if he cries? What do I do?" "I said 'I'm going down the hall', not 'I'm going forever'. If he cries I will hear him. Do you want to catch him?" "Ohh, I wish I could ..." "Do you want to take it or not?" "Vaaaale, give me, but then you will have to take care of yourself ... I have here for weeks. Tell the boss that I have had a horrible birth, that I am recovering very badly and that I am not surprised if I am still a few months after parental leave without going to work. " "God ... at what time I decided to be a mother."
