When you are close to giving birth you think about how wonderful it will be to have him already in his arms, to punch him, to kiss him, to dress him, to see him with the clothes that you have bought him, to enjoy with his presence, to teach people the new love of your life, take pictures to always remember, feed ... Feed him !?
Yes, in principle yes, feeding him is also part of the beautiful things: see him suck, hear him swallow, see how he puts the little hand on his chest as if he is not going to escape and see him sleep peacefully after that moment. Unless all this does not happen and the baby clings to the chest, hurts, grabs, separates, puts his hands in front, cries, sucks, falls asleep and after five minutes it all starts again: it is breastfeeding that makes you feel guilty, breastfeeding that fails, breastfeeding that makes you cry.
To hurt
It is normal that the first few days hurts a little, a slight discomfort, as it is normal that nothing hurts at all, but it is only a few days and the pain should be remitting as the baby opens the mouth more and as the breast is less full. But sometimes it doesn't hurt. The baby does not grab well, or has a frenulum, and the pain not only does not decrease as the days go by, but it increases. And cracks appear, and what should be a moment of pleasure gradually becomes a moment of suffering, and the pain begins to be a constant, so annoying, that the mother almost prays that her baby sleeps a little more every time, not to hear his gemidito, the one that precedes crying, which he will have to calm with his chest and with more pain.
Take it, separate, put your hands in front and cry
When a baby is hungry it only seeks to appease that bad feeling of lack, that discomfort in the stomach, and that is why it tries to use suction as a mechanism that calms it. Sucking has that effect, relaxing them, but if it is not accompanied by food it does not help much. So he holds his chest, but if he doesn't get what he needs, he separates, cries and tries to help himself with his hands. Wants take your chest and put it in your mouth, but he doesn't know, he can't. He is not able to do it because he still does not coordinate.
In Babies and more For the mother who is having difficulties with breastfeedingAnd that gesture of despair begins to make the mother nervous, who is not only suffering from the pain she knows she is going to have, but from seeing that she is not managing to calm him down, reassure him, make him feel calm.
"I am not able, I am not a good mother"
And the laments begin. Starts the blame. See other babies suck and see that they eat quietly. If a few days ago he spoke with his friend, who gave birth two weeks ago, and told him that he was gaining more than 200 grams per week! But not her. She feels that she is not doing well, and everyone is letting her know: her baby, her partner who does not say it, but seems to think about it, and her mother, yes, she does say so, give her a bottle , who is going hungry.
And in the end he gives up because he can't do it anymore and goes to the doctor to explain that everything is going pretty badly. If you find a trained professional, you will be lucky enough to find some possible valid solutions. Maybe he finds the problem and everything starts to go better from that moment, but he may not have that luck and one of those who say "give it on demand, as soon as he asks you, and see you in two days" will visit him. That's fine, that's right, on demand, but it may be insufficient, because you already did it, you already gave him demand.
And the two days pass, when your dark circles have gone to more, breastfeeding makes you cry because it hurts more and more, and you have given it even when you felt you shouldn't, that you would still have to sleep. That they have told you that "sleep also feeds them" and you have the feeling that you do not sleep too much and eat a lot ... let's see if having been so much to the tit and sleeping little has not gained enough weight! And he has pooped twice! "That can't be good for your weight," you think.
You stand in the office and see that not only has not gained weight, but that has lost 20 grams. Two days in which you have put everything you had, in which you have cried all the tears that you had left, you have endured the pain by biting your lip, you have calmed down as you could, you have hardly slept to eat, you have ignored all the advice of the others, you have not released him almost to eat, all with the intention of being one more mother, a normal mother, one of those who just goes to the pediatrician, one of those you see in the park, taking off her carefree tit and feeds her baby as if she had done it all her life.
And right there the baby starts to cry, in the consultation, and you feel that chill that runs through your whole body, knowing that you are going to have to breastfeed again, with pain, suffering, and everything so that you do not I gain no weight.
And not everything depends on the professionals
And I know that I am repetitive, but nursing mothers need health professionals who know how to breastfeed in order for me to, at least those who want to breastfeed, can do it. In his absence are the IBCLC and lactation consultants, whose services and successes in their functions are beyond doubt, but there are occasions when tests, procedures and treatments are required, and then the responsibility is of the medical professionals. That's why they should know.
And no, I will not be left alone in them, because not everything depends on the professionals. The fact that a breastfeeding eventually fails is something that happens for many reasons: sometimes yes, they are the professionals, who give wrong advice or simply do not give them, because they do not know them. Sometimes it's the baby's grandmother, who presses a lot, sometimes it's the mother, who just wants to be happy and make her son happy, sometimes it's the father, who doesn't want to see either of them suffer, and who offers to give a bottle, and sometimes they are all and all at once, because when breastfeeding becomes that, in suffering, crying, sleep, pain, a baby who does not get fat, a pediatrician who makes a face of "we are not going well "and a family that insists that you follow their advice, the feeling of guilt is such that it seems that the most logical thing is to throw in the towel and find the easiest and fastest solution, that which makes everything change instantly.
In Babies and more If your baby is breastfeeding, these are the keys that will help you verify that you are well fedNo, it's not the best, but for many families it doesn't matter what is better or worse, but get out of that spiral of physical and psychological suffering and stop harming the baby. That is why many mothers end up giving artificial milk in spite of themselves and that is why they suffer, and some cry when time passes and tell them that "you did not try hard enough", "you threw in the towel too soon", "some of them are very weak and do not do the impossible for breastfeeding "or" if you had breastfed now would not have been bad "... the feeling of guilt is still there now transformed into the decision made at that time, to start enjoying maternity.
The ideal? Than find someone to help you and keep in mind that sometimes it happens, that the beginnings are sometimes like that. If it is not the pediatrician, that is a lactation consultant, or a friend, or the mother, or someone who has the time and knowledge to be there by helping out in whatever it takes. If they manage to pass that moment, that trance, maybe it all ends in a successful breastfeeding. If it is not possible, if you do not find that person who knows how to help you, if you reach the point where you can not do more, it is normal to end up giving a bottle, because everyone has a limit and The last thing you want, as I said, is to see your baby suffer.
That's why we should respect the mothers, all, both to those who breastfeed and to those who bottle feed, either in their homes, or in the street. That I have also seen that, looks of disapproval to see a woman giving a bottle to a small baby.
Of course, how complicated it can be to have a baby, if you do what you do there will always be someone who tells you that you could do better.
In Babies and more "You are mothering, and you are doing very well", a comforting message for all mothersPhotos | iStock
In Babies and more | Successes and failures of breastfeeding, How to be a passive witness to the failure of a breastfeeding, 7 keys to live a happy breastfeeding
