Yesterday we told you that Eduard Estivill He clarified in an interview that his method is not based on letting babies cry so they learn to sleep alone and that if someone has applied it that way it is because their book has not been read.
The fact is that many parents have read it and still have applied the method by letting their children cry because this is how they understood that the issue works, and now they do not understand very well what is this to say that "a baby you should not cry to learn to sleep, "because in your case It was only a few days, a few moments, and now the child sleeps happily every night and he doesn't remember those moments. Well, to answer this question we will try to answer this question: What problem is there if it's only a few days and then they don't remember it?
In his book he says nothing about "not letting cry"
I know because I have the book. My edition is 10 years ago, but I have not been able to find the chapter in which it says that the baby cannot cry at night, or if he cries is that we are doing the wrong method. Yes I read that it says that parents should not doubt and that neither of them should give their arm to twist, because otherwise the method does not work. These warnings only make sense if there is a baby crying and screaming behind the door, because I do not think it refers to: "If your baby sleeps quietly in the crib from day one, stay firm, united and do not give your arm to twist … Only if one of the two wants to wake him up will the method fail. "
In addition, as we said yesterday, he encourages parents to lie to neighbors in case someone makes any comments regarding the child, explaining that he is sick and therefore complains at night, and even warns them that the child could even vomit
I drop it, all this, to make clear what he says and what the Estivill method does not say.
But, if it's only a few days ...
Many of the parents who apply the method do not quite understand what the complaint is against, given that after a few days their children sleep much better than before and no longer call them at night, or not as much as days ago. I imagine it will be those parents whose method works for them, because there are those who don't.
Many children they don't cry less and less, but they cry more and more. And more and more, until after much crying they simply fall asleep, and so night after night, after an hour or two of crying. This generates them a terrible stress that they don't know how to manage, because they are screaming, asking for help, and not receiving it. This, every night, is very hard for many babies.
Others do improve with the method and from time to time they "deprogram" and again require a few nights of tears and lack of contact from their parents. It usually happens when the child grows, matures and is more aware of his loneliness, when the family spends a few days together on vacation, etc., this comes to show that the normal and natural is precisely that parents and children sleep close by nights, that the elderly attend to the little ones, because if it were normal to sleep alone, the method would not have to be applied several times as the child grows and matures.
But if they don't remember it later
There are also many parents who make use of this argument: that they are only a few days and that this does not generate any trauma because they grow up happy and sleep happily every night, who do not remember that their parents let them cry for a few nights, for a little while, to Stop asking what they felt they needed.
It is true, babies do not remember that, but their brains, which create continuous new neural connections based on their experiences and end up learning that there are times of the day when they will not be taken care of, no matter how much they require it, yes their character , yes his personality. To get to trauma you have to make it happen very badly to a baby, in all aspects, and it is not the case, but el that an act does not cause trauma does not make it better.
I can hit my son once a day for two weeks, because when I tell him not to crawl into my room he goes and does it and I will stop him from entering the room and he will certainly not have any trauma in the future, but that does not make it a logical or correct method.
The problem is that we are missing your call for help
So the problem is that the baby cries, asks us for help because his so-called "flight or fight" system is activated And we don't go. We know that nothing will happen to be alone, but he is not. We know he is safe in his crib, in our house without danger, but he is not. And he suffers because evolution has determined that the safest thing for babies to survive is to stay close to their parents both day and night, and to ensure that it happens He has endowed them with crying, as a result of a state of nerves, stress and anxiety in which they know completely helpless. It would be the equivalent of seeing that in a few seconds you will die, crying out for help, and not receiving it, despite seeing that there is help available.
That's the problem. That one, and that when a father or mother learns to ignore the crying of a baby at night, learn to ignore it also for the day. Not always, of course, but in many moments. And then the relationship is no longer adequate, because the baby asks for what he needs and the father interprets it as he thinks: "now I think you do need me, now I think what you have is a story". "Now I go, not now." And so an adequate relationship of care and demands cannot be established, and this can generate deficiencies in children, causing that instead of being safer and independent people they become insecure, dependent children, and often seeking affection, attention and affection from others, because they feel they lack a bit of it all.
Photos | Daniel Lobo, Markus Reinhardt on Flickr
In Babies and more | What Dr. Estivill should explain (if he were sincere), Fetuses already sleep alone before birth and many parents help them unlearn him, says Estivill, At bedtime, let him cry or help him catch the dream?
