When they give you the news that a family member or friend is pregnant with more than one baby you usually wait expectantly to be notified that she has already given birth, that it is already the big day, that when you can be with their babies in the hospital for when you come to see them.
And that day you arrive to congratulate the family and meet the newcomers, and the joy and positivity sometimes makes us ask before approaching: “Let's see those babies! Where are those two (or more) chubby babies? ”, Or when we approach the crib say“ And the other one? ”(Which the family usually tells you, but sometimes ...). It may even happen that some stranger makes a comment out of place, as we will now explain.
For avoid entering into a dialogue that will make us feel violent, and even more to the parents, a family has devised some stickers in the form of lilac butterfly, which will be put in baby cribs when necessary.
Nature does not always give us what we expect from it
Finding out that you are going to have more than one baby is a great surprise, which is usually accompanied by immense joy. But it may happen that nature has not provided the same end for babies, and that some do not get it: that I wasn't born alive, or what die shortly after birth.
It is one of those situations in which more emotions intermingle, positive and negative: the emotion of being a mother, the emotion of giving birth to a baby and the emotion of losing another.
And it is at that time when many parents do not want to receive visits so they do not have to walk explaining what has happened, but they feel they do not want to deny others, or the baby, in a way, the possibility of having a first contact with the family and friends.
The lilac butterfly
What happened to Milli smith It goes a little out there, although it was even more unfortunate. I expected twins, but only one was born. Her roommate had given birth to twins and when she saw herself trying to calm both of them at the same time, with only two hands, she spoke a few words to Milli without any bad intention, but they were harmful as a dagger: "What luck have you had of not having twins ... "
One of those comments that you really do not feel, because no mother with two would prefer not to have met one of her babies, but they are said to start a conversation and a bit of relief. That "I do not know how I will do it with two", although you know that you will end up doing it and moving forward.
Milli and her partner received the news with joy that they would have twins. But at 12 weeks they learned that one of them would not survive. Had anencephaly, a failure in the development of the brain that makes the survival of the baby practically impossible.
They made the decision to move forward with the pregnancy to give Callie, the other baby, the opportunity to fight to be born, while preparing for what was going to happen: the birth of two babies and farewell to one of them.
They thought that a beautiful way to "give life" to Skye, the girl who would not survive, was to donate her organs. But Milli went into labor at week 30, away from the minimum 36 weeks for a donation to be made.
After an emergency caesarean section, the two girls were born, and Skye was very surprised because, despite being warned that he would hardly do anything, he began to move his arms and cry.
They could be with her until saying goodbye (although the mother lost much of that moment, by caesarean section), alone, but when they were left alone with Callie it was when they received that innocent but painful comment.
And Milli thought he could do something about it. Thus was born the lilac butterfly, in a crowdfounding campaign that may not achieve its monetary objective, but that is going around the world so that everyone knows the meaning.
Babies who are in a crib with a lilac butterfly they are part of a multiple pregnancy in which there has been at least one loss.
For acquaintances, strangers and professionals
The lilac butterfly is one of those things that cost very little to do and use, because it is nothing more than an adhesive, but it gets a lot: to inform acquaintances, strangers and even professionals of what that family has lived and thus avoid comments out of place; They are not malicious, but they can do a lot of damage.
It is not a "don't talk to me", but a "be careful what you say". Because parents who have lived something like that may need to talk about it, and more when time passes, but above all they need love, support and close people.
