In Babies and more We have spoken to you on several occasions that punishment is not the best way to educate children. Even a year ago, Lola shared an article where she commented that after 50 years of research they concluded that whipping does not work and is harmful to children.
That is why it is good to consider leaving behind such corrective methods and look for respectful alternatives that are effective in educating our children. On this occasion I want to talk to you about how to teach our children that what matters is not punishment, but the consequences of their actions.
Personally, I have never been in favor of physical punishment to educate or correct a child, even before being a mother, I already thought so and when my daughter was born I reaffirmed it. How would I be able to hit this little person that I conceived and brought to the world?
My personal experience with physical punishment
I have never talked about this in such a public place before but I consider it important to mention it. When I was little, there were times when my parents corrected me with blows or whipped me with my belt. Just writing it I feel that I start to shake.
Did this really work to teach me to distinguish good from evil? I'm sure not. All he achieved was that I felt fear of my parents and had a remote and damaged relationship. Fortunately, over the years I was able to heal that wound and now we have a better relationship and they have understood that this type of upbringing is not what I want for my daughter.
Why don't penalties matter?
Mainly, because they don't work. When a child is punished you are not teaching him what he did wrongYou simply teach him that if he does certain things, he will be punished in some way. But in addition to actually not understanding why they should not do them, the effect of punishment is only temporary.
There is a phrase that I love from an article by Armando where he gives us advice on how to respond to those who suggest that hitting children is positive and necessary: Doing someone wrong cannot be a good way to teach them to do good..
Explain and show you the consequences of your actions
Although I was occasionally punished with blows and time out, I'm sure that didn't help me because I remember receiving the punishments, I did not understand what I had done wrong. A simple "I told you not to touch that"or a"obey"are not enough for a child. If we want you to truly understand, you have to explain why and the consequences of what he does or stops doing.
To do this, I share some suggestions or ideas that I believe could help our children understand why there are certain behaviors they should follow.
Show the importance of values
I learned to differentiate the good and the bad based on an education focused on values. Honesty, kindness, respect, generosity, are some of the life lessons that are very present in my way of acting.
How do we make them understand what they are and why should we respect them? Firstly, setting the example. Children are imitators by nature and many of the things we do, they will also do.
For example, we can explain that when we address others in a kind and respectful way, you not only generate a positive feeling in the other, but that kindness and respect is more likely to come back to you. On the other hand, if we behave haughty or demand from the other, we will not only bother them, we could even make them feel bad and that they reject us or return the bad treatment.
Explain the Law of Cause and Effect
It is something we all know very well: for each action corresponds a reaction. Everything we do has consequences, positive or negative. Here the important thing is to explain what the consequences of their actions are, so that they understand the reason and importance of doing or not doing certain things. For example:
- If you hit another child you hurt him and make him feel bad.
- If you climb to a high place you must be careful because you could fall.
- If you yell at someone you hurt him and he may feel sad or offended.
- If you don't pick up your toys from the floor, someone could trip and hurt yourself.
- If you don't eat your food you may feel weak or without energy.
Remember that most children who "misbehave" do not know that what they do is wrong. Our responsibility is to teach you then why you should not do this or that, and what happens if we act in a certain way.
Show them that they are responsible for their actions
Just as we teach them that every action has a reaction, we must teach them that they are responsible for what happens because of their actions. For example, if our child takes a can of paint and throws it on the floor, the consequence is that it makes a mess. Now your responsibility is to clean it (accompanied by us because they are still very small) and show that that time we "wasted" cleaning something that could have been avoided, it was time that we did not spend together doing something fun like reading or playing.
I believe that these three points can help us teach our children the difference between what is right and what is wrong. Likewise will teach them to understand that everything they do will have a consequence and their actions will depend on whether it is good or bad.
How do you explain to your children that what matters is the consequences of their actions?
Photos | iStock
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