It says a well-known phrase that "The pen is stronger than the sword", which is a way of saying that intelligence has more power than strength. If we take this phrase to the field of education, just as a well-conducted dialogue relationship can help us raise a child without using force, the most hurtful words can do more harm than any cheek.
For this post we are not going to use those, the ones that do the most damage, because you don't have to be very smart to know that insults or humiliations do not serve to educate, but we are going to mention those that as much as we have heard them, as usual, we can think that they are not harmful to our children. These are the 15 things you have to stop saying to your children.
Twelve of the phrases have been extracted from PopSugar, and in translation we have adapted them to our usual language to make them more recognizable. To complete the post we have added three more phrases that many people use and that we should also try to avoid.
"Come on, give me, I already do it"
Children, because they are children, do not have the skills or experience that adults have; that is to say, they are learning to do things, they are trying to gain autonomy and become more skilled and independent every day. For this they have to try to do things, they have to try them, and in that process, which can be slow, they will probably make mistakes from those who will have to learn.
If we always appear to finish what they start because that way we go faster, they can reach a time when not only they no longer want to try to do something, but directly ask us to do it, or demand it, convinced that they will do it wrong.
In Babies and more 15 positive phrases to tell your children that they will strengthen their self-esteem"Do not Cry"
Crying is the expression of a feeling of frustration, sadness, anger, anger ..., which are intense emotions that, because of negatives, we tend to avoid, cancel or mask in what is a mistake that as a society we have been making for years.
Just as joy is an emotion to which we give a lot of validity, all those emotions must also be taken into account, especially when children are young, so that they know them, so that they know how they present themselves, the reasons, and so they can work them.
They say that a crisis is an opportunity to change, to modify something that has been done wrong, or that is going wrong, and embark on a more positive path. Well, the crying of children is important because from there they can learn to manage the associated emotions and find a path that is more constructive that the desire for revenge, submission or surrender, to give some examples.
"Can't you do the same thing Fulanito does?"
Each child is unique and unrepeatable, and sending the message that someone has to take another child as an example is harmful to both, because it is implied that one is better than the other.
Behavioral and learning changes should come from the positive, working those things that a child knows how to do well, from their strengths, enhancing those things that make it unique.
And when he does something wrong, tell him, but not because another child doesn't do it, but because he shouldn't do it.
Are you sure you want to eat that?
When a child is on a diet that could be unhealthy, or if he starts to be overweight, many parents try to change habits by attacking the choices they deem wrong, without considering that these choices are probably the ones that they have not It seemed bad for so many years.
They eat what is at home, so, in reality, the responsibility of eating a food that we do not want them to eat is ours, to buy it, and because in reality we are the ones who have to convey the importance of a diversified and healthy diet.
You'll see when dad (or mom) comes
A very typical phrase from our childhood, when our mother let the one who put order at home be "dad." The problem is that two mistakes were made: we ended up feeling real panic for Dad, who was carrying out a punishment on an action that had happened hours ago and that he had not witnessed, and we realized the little authority that our mother had, which showed us that he was not able to control the situation.
Nothing happens, it has been nothing
Similar to "do not cry", when a child is hurt and cries it is usual to be told immediately (again so that he does not cry), that nothing happens, that it has been nothing, quickly cleaned and put to play as much before.
But sometimes it has been something, and something has happened. Sometimes it really hurts, they have been scared, they have been scared, and it costs us nothing to switch to "Are you alright?" or to "Have you hurt yourself?", which shows that we are worried about what happens to you, while we ask you to tell us what you feel at that moment, if you want.
I promise you
Not that it is bad in itself. Giving our word that we will do something and fulfill it teaches children what it is. commitment. The problem comes when we promise something that we don't accomplish later. The message that the child receives is disastrous, because we break his trust completely, and we imply that the commitments, or a promise, are not valid.
That boy is an idiot
Often, when a child does something to us, we tend to make a judgment about that child to show him what is good behavior and what is bad behavior. Then we say that he is "idiot" or that "he is not right in the head".
Thus, we are teaching him to insult and make the same judgments about those children who can do something with which they disagree. Considering that they are his companions and / or friends, the ideal is that it is he himself who reaches the appropriate conclusions. Better to say "that child is an idiot" is to say "And what do you think he did that?", And from there build possible solutions: "And what do you think we could or could do?".
But how can it scare you?
Fear can be limiting and totally irrational, so much that no matter how much you explain why you should not fear something, don't pay attention to reasons. The fact that we are not afraid of something other than someone else does not make that fear make no sense. Similarly, we may be very afraid of something that seems ridiculous to another person (needles, heights, a ...), and that is why we should not be ridiculed or our undervalued suffering.
Well, the same thing happens with children. If you are afraid of something, we can work it day by day, little by little, looking for the way to make it rational, that he reflects and convinces himself that there is no reason to fear.
Ridiculing your fear, or telling you that the behavior is incoherent will help you a lot less to overcome it, and worse, it will make you feel that you are weak, that you are disappointing us and that your problems are not important to us.
In Babies and more11 compliments to tell your daughter many times, in addition to beautifulI hate you too
Children are able to tell us horrible things when they are angry with us. The problem is that many times they are not aware of the damage that their words can reach, because they are testing, and it is we who add all the emotional charge to their words, often making us react by putting ourselves at their level.
In doing so, we become two children arguing like children, when the logical thing would be to try to raise their level towards ours so that they express things focusing on the concrete emotion: "I love you, but what you have done, Dad, I did not like."
So, the logical thing is to answer something like "well, I love you a lot and I will never stop loving you," and then explain why it can't be whatever they want to get, and offer some alternative so that they do not obsess with it in a spiral from which they hardly leave themselves.
Because I say so
When we jump from authority to authoritarianism we lose the ability to be fair and deserve to be respected for our ability to educate them.
Although they told us very often: "Because I say so, period," what causes learning is the explanation, the arguments and the subsequent reflection of the child who, agreeing or not, will at least have a justification for "Yes" or "No".
You shut up!
Just as it is not a phrase we say to any adult with whom we want to have a good relationship, our children do not deserve such an imperative either.
If you don't give one
Or "look that you become useless", which is another option, are two phrases that do a lot of damage because you end up making the child believe that he really isn't able to do what he should know how to do. Again, as we have commented above, children end up feeling that no matter how hard they try, they will not be able to do anything, and they will give up easily when they have to do something, on a path that can damage their self-esteem for the rest of their lives. , or at least for a long time.
Well, at your age ...
At their age we did things better than them and others worse. What happens is that we tend to remember the best of our lives and forget those events that seem unimportant, but that could say many things about us.
Often, a visit to the grandmother is enough to explain that in reality we, at her age, we did things the same, or maybe worse.
Do not embarrass me
Notifying something is a way of telling a child that you don't trust your chances of doing things right, or of having a proper behavior. Instead of explaining where you are going and what you expect from him, in positive: "We are going to a place where we have to be quite quiet, without raising our voice and without disturbing. I know you can do it, that's why I explain it to you" people say the opposite: "As you misbehave, you find out", "Don't be ashamed" or "I don't have to punish you".
Let's say it is better to educate from trust than from threats, basically because it is better to grow up thinking that your parents trust and believe in you, than thinking that for your parents the strange thing is that you can get to behave properly.
Photos | iStock
In Babies and more | Pressed children have less confidence in themselves, Nine ways of saying "no" to your children constructively, Why don't I like phrases like "have you been good?", "The Magi see it all", "yes you misbehave, they will not bring you gifts "
