Judging and commenting on the maternity of others is, unfortunately, a very common practice. On more than one occasion we have echoed unpleasant phrases or misplaced comments, which mothers sometimes have to hear about their upbringing.
And among them stand out, especially, those who mothers and fathers of very large families often receive, who must face not only judgments and questions from strangers, but to looks that are often loaded with disapproval. If you also have a large family, surely on more than one occasion you have had to listen to some of these comments ...
"Are they all yours?" or "Are they all from the same father?"
Of the more than six million families in our country, only 608,000 have three or more children. Large families do not abound, and less the greater the number of children that integrate it. That's why they usually attract so much attention.
Almost all mothers and fathers of large families agree that the questions "are they all yours?" or "are they all from the same father?" they are impertitent and out of place, because they are also usually formulated with a negative or extremely critical tone.
"The question of whether they are all mine has been asked to me very often. Once a lady asked me in the street and when I answered yes, she changed her face and started shouting" Oh mother, how much work, what overwhelmed! ". I removed iron from the matter and told him not to be overwhelmed, that I was happy" - recalls anecdotally this mother of seven children.
And it is that in most of the occasions, this type of comments are made without taking into account the sensitivity of the children in front, nor the personal and sensitive circumstances of each family, such as adoptions, reconstituted families, or that either of the two members of the couple is widowed and has children from the previous marriage.
"Again pregnant?" or "When are you going to stop?"
If there is something that all fathers and mothers of large families detest, they are continually asked when will they stop having children: "It's a personal decision that I shouldn't have to share with any stranger.", says indignantly Maria, mother of five girls.
This type of indiscreet questions admits multiple variations: from those who put the focus on the father with phrases of the style, "when are you going to cut the queue?", To those who put it on the mother, advising on the contraceptive method that I should use to avoid "still having children." As if wanting to increase the family was the result of ignorance!
"In your house there is no TV?"
I think this is a classic that never goes out of style, although lately there have been other modalities that are more in line with the times, such as, "In your house there is no Netflix?"
Some people decide to take it with humor, as Irene, mother of nine children in this interview we did a few months ago. But for other people it is an impertinent and brazen comment, which places the couple in the center of laughter and mockery.
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And within the group of those surprised at the number of children in a family, is who think that one or two should be enough, and do not understand how someone wants to continue growing the family beyond the "socially accepted".
That's when phrases loaded with critical judgments come into play that put the couple in a very compromised situation, sometimes even with their children in front:
"I am a mother of five children and my little one is an earthquake that is becoming noticeable wherever it goes. One day, in the supermarket queue, a man told me that he imagined that with the arrival of my little son I would have been "satisfied enough" and would have decided to stop. This comment felt very bad for me in front of all my children, who must have thought that in their day they were not "enough for me" and that is why I decided to continue expanding the family "- a large family mother confesses me, indignantly.
"What a shame! So young and with so many children!"
In general, there are people who think that having children at a young age is something like "wasting the best stage of life." And I tell you with knowledge of cause, because there were many comments I had to hear in this line when my first child was born.
But if in addition you decide to be a large family mother before the socially accepted age, the criticisms are assured. This is stated by Angie, a young mother of four children who has been listening for negative comments about her age and the number of children she has.
"You will not be able to give studies to everyone!"
This is one of the great concerns of people who run into large families. But Andrea, mother of four children, takes her ironic side and reassures people who are interested in this aspect, telling them that parents of large families in our country have discounts for university tuition for all their children.
"It is because of you that we take aid from those who have few children"
But, although there are people who are worried about what parents may or may not give to their numerous children, others adopt the opposite role and are outraged when they hear about the benefits and aid that large families receive.
This type of comment is often heard by Fanny, mother of four children. And there are those who really believe that large families live comfortably thanks to the State !, but nothing is further from reality.
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Marta has grown up in a large family, and there are many memories she has of her childhood about the questions or comments that people asked her mother when she went down the street with her six children.
And among them, this one stands out comes to question the ability of a mother to care for her children, starting by knowing how to name everyone correctly. But let someone who has never had a similar lapse raise his hand, without the number of children in this case being a relevant fact!
"Are you from OPUS?"
I think this is the star comment received by almost all the families in our country who decide to have more than two children, and that it tends to become more and more recurring as the number of family members increases. And there really are people who think that the only reason behind wanting to expand the family is religious beliefs: "Either you are from OPUS, or it is not understood that you want to have so many children".
No doubt this question is really unpleasant and out of place, religious or not, no family should feel pressured or in the obligation to have to give an explanation about the number of children you want or don't want to have.
"You won't get bored, right?"
Well, the truth is that no! Mothers and fathers do not get bored, let's have a son, two, three or six. Because the moment your baby is born, his life depends entirely on you: 24 hours, 365 days a year. How to get bored with such a wonderful job?
So mothers and fathers of very large families do not get bored, nor do the rest of parents delivered and worried about the upbringing and education of their children, regardless of the number they have.
"If I had money I would also have more children"
It is very common to think that large families have a lot of money, have no economic problems and live comfortably with three, four, five or more children. But, according to a study carried out by the Spanish Federation of Large Families, half of the large families arrive with difficulties at the end of the month, and one in three must throw savings or incur debts to meet expenses and expenses. needs that arise.
Thus, the economic argument is not valid in these cases, although on the other hand, I do not understand that there are people who must justify themselves before a large family about why they don't decide to have the same number of children.
"But what is your husband doing?"
And in the line of the previous point is this other imprudent question and full of curiosity, from those who expect understand why so much kid, learning about the profession of the father of the family. For many mothers, this comment is macho and archaic, because at the beginning it presupposes that the woman does not work outside the home, or that if she does, her financial contribution is not as important as that of her husband.
Further, the question is extremely indiscreet and violent, for referring to the economy of a family.
Looks that say it all
Then there are those who do not ask or comment, but who their looks say it all:
People who scan all children up and down, and then their parents with a gesture of absolute disapproval.
People who do not hide their looks of amazement at a large number of children.
People who return their gaze when a very large family intersects with them, to ensure that what they have just seen is something real and not an optical illusion.
And within this group are also those who do not ask indiscreetly, but directly they decide to scold or give a sermon to those "crazy or foolish parents who have brought so many children to a world that is so bad".
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But mothers and fathers of large families tell us that there are also Precious moments starring empathetic, kind and affectionate people, which make your day with a complicit smile, a helping hand, or a comment full of beautiful words:
"I like it when some old woman stops me in the street and tells me tenderly that I remember her when she was young and her children when they were young. And then she tells me episodes of her life that excite me or leave me speechless. Wisdom of older people is amazing "
"I keep the comments of people who talk to my children to tell them that they are lucky to have so many brothers"
"When Christmas comes, there is usually a comment from someone who says that: what a great joy to breathe in your home, with such childish enthusiasm!"
"I love it when they stop me in the street and ask me the names of my seven little ones, they say beautiful things to them and then they say goodbye saying" that they are raised in good health! "
"I am very grateful to the people who tell me that I am strong, and that I serve as inspiration. I do not consider myself better than anyone, but there are days when the forces falter so much that it is very good for someone to remind you how wonderful mother you are"
Photos | iStock, Pixabay
