After talking a few days ago about jealousy between brothers and commenting on the need not to label any problem of older brothers as a "jealous" let's see some recommendations to try to avoid problems between brothers.
- The little brother needs more time: We must explain why we spend more time with the newborn baby brother. Babies do not know how to do practically anything and need people who meet their needs. We can sit with him to see photos or videos of him when he was a baby and talk about it.
- Patience: The new brother has not come to replace him, but to live with them all. When you are a little older you can play together and spend incredible times. Talking to him about how well we had with our brothers and / or friends and even telling him that there were times when we were also annoyed that Mom could not be with us because she was with our little brother is a good way for her to see that we have also lived and we understand what situation you are in and how you feel.
- Thank you: it is good to thank him when he helps us and tell him how proud we are of him for taking care of the child, for letting us know when he cries, for approaching the clothes when dressing him or the diaper when changing him and for telling us what he thinks can happen to the baby when he cries and we don't know why.
- Dedicate time: every day we would have to find a place to do with him what he prefers without the baby being with us.
- Pay attention: how much he tells us what happened to him at school, when a song sings to us, when he shows us a drawing. He needs us to share his illusions with him, let's do it.
- Let's name your bad feelings: Let's talk about your tiredness, your boredom or your lack of desire to do something on your own ("I see you bored, honey ..."). He will know that we know and understand what happens to him even though we cannot be with him at that moment.
Once children grow a little jealousy (or bad feelings) can continue to appear both from the eldest to the little one, and from the small to the elder, so we should take into account:
- Don't compare them: we should avoid references to how well the brother behaves or by following the example of the other. Even refrain from commenting in front of them the fact that one learns faster than the other or how awkward this is compared to the other.
- No one is born taught: the little one may feel bad for not knowing how to do things that his brother does know (and maybe the older one can take advantage of push to the little one for this reason), nobody is born taught and the older one also had a hard time learning everything that he does so well now.
- Each his space: Even if they have the same room they should feel they have their own space, both physical and social. It is good to devote some time separately to each of them.
- Mine is mine and yours is yours: The desire to share things must be born of oneself. Young children usually touch everything of the elderly. If the elder does not want his brother to play according to what things we must respect his decision (and vice versa) the "let your brother play with your toys for a while" we can replace it with "your brother wants to play with you or any of your things. What do you think you could play together or what can you let him play? "
- Today is my birthday: Some parents try to match their children at all times to avoid discrimination, however there are times when equality is simply not such and should not be provoked. If it is the day one of them turns years old, the other does not have to receive gifts. It is important that they accept that sometimes it is their turn and sometimes it is their turn.
