On the occasion of the birthday of our second son, Aran, we were a few days ago my wife and I talking about how the birth was.
I have never explained it here in Babies and more, but the dilation was quite slow until the moment when the midwife realized, when making a vaginal touch, that the fault was chronic constipation, in other words, it was necessary to use a enema to empty the intestine and rectum and leave room for the vagina to continue dilating.
After the enema Miriam spent about 10 minutes alone in the sink, and as she confessed to me the other day: “In those 10 minutes alone, the contractions hurt less, I was calmer, more focused and everything was going better” and then added: “I think being with you doesn't let me concentrate to give birth” and I nodded when I realized that she probably I would give birth better if I were alone.
Alone, but not quite
I know you are throwing your hands to your head. I don't mean to give birth alone with no one around, but with the sole help of a midwife who is trustworthy and kind and silent. Someone who is but is not.
And the husband or the couple, it depends. The problem is not that he speaks or stops talking, but to what extent his presence can make the woman feel the need to talk to him, to give up part of the control by asking what to do and what not to do and ultimately thinking too much.
Not that I bothered, I was simply there in case I needed something, but apparently "being there", it only served to become aware of my presence and therefore to disconnect from his birth.
You have to "mamify" births
Michel Odent has been in Spain these days giving a conference entitled Research in childbirth and primary health in which he commented that births, in addition to humanizing themselves, so that women feel treated with respect and to be an active part of the process, they should “mammify”, that is, be more mammals, more instinctive, less rational.
Progress, advances and our own intelligence sometimes make us forget that we are very similar to the rest of mammals and that we have practically equal brains with the exception of the neocortex or rational brain, which is the most modern part evolutionarily speaking and the one that has allowed us Get to where we are.
This rational brain is what gives us intelligence, reasoning and is the one that helps us control the most primary impulses and the most intense emotions.
But nevertheless it is this same part of the brain that is usually to blame for childbirth being more difficult for women than for other animals, since during birth there may (usually) be inhibitions caused by the neocortex (something like "I don't concentrate when we make love because the neighbor is watching us", to exemplify it in an exaggerated way ).
The key is to disconnect the rational brain
So that a delivery progresses properly, so that there is no interference of its own in the dilation or in the expulsive the woman needs to be able to disconnect her rational brain.
What is colloquially referred to as "childbirth planet", is precisely that, to get carried away by the body, focus on the sensations that emanate, adopt the posture it asks for, sing or make the woman feel better (I say sing because many women relieve their contractions by singing).
All this is difficult if nearby there are people who make the woman talk, think, respond or if, as a mother once explained to me, "the nurse comes to ask for your ID number."
There are women who need support
"But I prefer my partner to be", you will think some. Well, I'm with you, of course. The last thing a woman has to feel at the time of giving birth is loneliness, so if a woman prefers to be accompanied all the time it is better that way.
However, for those women able to disconnect their rational brain and connect with their more mammalian part, the remedy could be worse than the disease and that is the couple, as I was with my wife, the involuntary guardian of the doors of the “ childbirth planet. "
The fear of giving birth, in fact, comes from the rational brain, from the experiences of others, from knowing cases that came out better or worse, from the rejection of pain that so many mothers report. If a woman is able to get carried away, fear disappears, because the rational is parked to simply give way to a more instinctive, more primitive world.
An unrelated example
I know it is unrelated because it is not a birth, but it can help because the mechanism could be the same.
Speaking one day with a fellow nurse who has worked for many years in an ICU, he explained that many of the unconscious patients who were at the gates of death did not "leave" until they were alone.
"They were waiting for family members to go to breakfast for a moment or for the night to come," he explained, as if being accompanied made them think, in their unconsciousness, that dying before their relatives could be more painful for them.
On one occasion it was even she who approached the patient, once alone, and said "now you can go if you want, everything is quiet." And so it was.
Incredible but true. I get goosebumps when telling it, but it seems like a good way to explain to what extent our rational brain can control the most primary mechanisms of our body.
By the way, back to the subject, Would you give birth better if you were alone?
Photos | Flickr - Dave Haygarth, madaise, Inferis In Babies and more | They affirm that they can have orgasms in childbirth, Michel Odent: "We must release the love hormone to improve births", Midwives also ask for natural childbirth, Doula in childbirth, Guide to the Delivery Plan the pregnant)
