Children: who needs them?

These days it has been published in the English newspaper The telegraph an opinion piece by Julia Stephenson, writer of a weekly column in the newspaper Independent about “green” lifestyle and author of two novels, in which she says that is happy not to have children.

In this article, she explains that she is a little tired of the image of single and sad women who usually give women who reach menopause without having been mothers, especially since she, who has not been, is always well groomed, beautiful and it seems less years than it has, all thanks to the fact that it has more time for it than those who are mothers and because it has been able to invest in itself the 234,000 euros that are estimated to cost to raise a child.

She is also happy because her relationship is close and solid because, she says, she can put her partner first and not last, like all those abandoned men who end up running away from home in search of adventure ( in the literal and metaphorical sense of the word), because they are not able to cope with the competence of children in the struggle to receive the attention of women.

Complains the writer of an article published a month ago in her country that said that 19% of British women reached menopause without having been mothers, showing these women as desolate, sad and empty people. He complains because he says: "How can you lose something you've never had?"

In fact it goes a little further and asks what is the point of lamenting something that has no solution, that is, why complain that you can no longer have children if you can not solve it. It even invites reflection on happiness, since for many women having children is a joy, but it is not a sure guarantee of happiness.

The author continues explaining that she has never been too careful not to get pregnant and that only once did she think she was (she did not seek to have it, but if she came she would continue) when she was six months without menstruation. Nonetheless the tests were negative and when confirming that there was no pregnancy he felt a great relief.

My reflexion

I could continue summarizing the words of Julia Stephenson, but I think I have already commented on the most substantial part of your opinion piece.

Everyone who draws the conclusions and opinions he wants about his words, that I will draw mine (and since I'm on the keyboard I keep typing and I'll tell you).

This lady says that you can not miss something that you have never had and although in the literal sense she is right, because a woman is not a mother until she has children, most women intend to have children at some point in their life because It is part of the personal and family project of almost everyone. As almost everyone and almost all women know that one day they will be mothers, the intention and the objective makes mothers know at some point ("I will be a mother, of course"). If for whatever reason the children do not come and the day comes when someone tells you "I'm sorry, ma'am, but at this point you cannot have children" it is inevitable that there will be a sense of loss. Not for something you had, but for something you knew you were going to have.

It is not that all those who do not have children have to feel desolate and sad, but it is logical and lawful that many of them feel that way. If she does not feel that way and, if she is in fact happy because she was not a mother, then hey, I am glad, but she does not deny the feelings of many other women who do not feel that happiness because they have not had children.

With regard to the role of fathers, I am sorry, but this lady has a macho chatter that scares: she is happy because thanks to not having been a mother she has been able to dedicate herself in body and soul to her relationship, not like all the mothers who leave husband in the background (abandoned, he says), arriving this (logical, according to this lady) to flee from home because they can not stand the competition that is established with the baby.

Well, I'm sorry, Mrs. Stephenson, but the husband who feels he has to compete with his son for his wife's love or time shows a lack of maturity worthy of extreme concern (If so, there are very good psychologists who can help), so be happy to have kept the man calm, happy and close for not having children (poor thing, not to be overwhelmed by the pressure of having a baby at home ) It seems to me a way of seeing the happiness of a somewhat painful couple.

Anyway, I don't know what you think, but most of the time I read opinions of women who in theory should defend other women, I feel that they speak for a minority and that instead of helping they end up making things worse.

Via and Photo | The telegraph
In Babies and more | "No Kid. 40 good reasons for not having children, ”Women Child-free: women free of children. “Motherhood is the emotional caviar of the poor,” Women Child Free (2): revenge. Maternity in positive, On neomachismo and the raising with attachment