It seems that the market offers us more and more books on how to raise children and how to educate them well, explaining their development or the best way, in the author's opinion, to understand their behavior. Books and even television programs that explain techniques, more or less respectful to teach them to behave, there are many, but few to tell parents how they should behave to be good caregivers, respectful and that give the child security.
The environment, culture, society and personality of each father and mother is different and circumstances greatly influence the model of responsible parenthood. Every family is a world, and yet I believe that if there are some basic tips that parents should apply to learn to perform the function that their children need from them; something like the basic skills of fatherhood and motherhood.
I will try, in this article and the following ones, to offer a review of those basic skills that a course for parents should incorporate. The first lesson would be the most important: express love.
Show and show love
Parents love their children, but they don't always know how to love them well or express their love. And, although there is no exact formula, it is essential to let our child be aware of how much we love him. Think that one day he may say that he does not doubt that you loved him, but that they did not feel loved enough.
It is not enough to say it, it is not enough, of course, to scold or blackmail telling him the harm he does to us with what we want. Love is shown. Love has to be demonstrated. Works are love, which is said.
Timeshare is a show of love
When you love someone do you want to share with that person your leisure, pleasant common activities, empathic sincerity and demonstrate how much it means to us doing our best to spend time together. Let us apply this also to the relationship with children.
No doubt, since the game It is one of the most serious and important activities of the child, playing with him is a way to show love and interest. But so is listening to your dreams and worries, your daily experiences, your hobbies.
Lowering the rhythm and finding a way to integrate the child into everyday activities is essential. The kitchen, the housework, a movie, a reading and a good conversation are things that, made with the children, show them how pleasant their company is.
The physical expression of love
Children, although in reality this would be valid for all human beings, we need physically express love towards another person and receive from them those signs of affection equally. For children, especially when they are babies but also throughout their childhood, a basic need is to receive the physical expression of their parents' affection and the freedom to give it to them as well.
Kisses, hugs, caresses, pampering, shared rest and small gestures of care, make them feel more secure, close and protected. It calms them if they are sick or angry. It comforts them if they are afraid or tense. It relaxes them and strengthens their self-esteem and even their immune system.
Hugs and kisses without restrictions they are needed. That happens, even to learn, if we weren't raised with that contact, to jump our barriers and discover again the sweetness of the hug. Take our son in his arms, let him share the bed if he asks us, allow him to touch our hair and our hand, without time or stress. There is almost nothing so important that it should make us take our son out of our arms if they ask us to.
Understanding the child is a way to show love
We are not born knowing everything. Begetting a child does not make us experts in childhood. If we have doubts or problems when it comes to raising it is time to ask for help or get to study, the usual solution, or the most common, does not have to be the best. It may even be necessary to read books on child development or go to parenting groups or courses.
Our society, although it has advanced a lot, continues, in my opinion, ignoring some of the most important needs of children: physical contact, putting ourselves in their place, giving their feelings the validity that we hope will be granted to our own. It is a subject in which you always have to deepen and do an exercise in self-criticism.
To respect the other is to love him
Children are not manipulatorsIf they are sad, angry or disoriented, they will react with tears or challenging behaviors. The solution, of course, is not to apply methods to silence their discomfort and make them obey, but to put ourselves in their skin and give them that love or that security they are asking us in the only way they know.
It may not be as sporty, creative, studious or calm as we had expected. We can collaborate with him by encouraging his interest in the things he likes and accompanying him to overcome his difficulties, but never with derogatory comments or comparisons that humiliate them.
To love, is, in the end, recognize the other and respect him as an individual being, different from ourselves or the model we have created in our head. Our son is a real person, different, even imperfect, but deserving of being fully accepted, helping him improve, but not judging or imposing our idea of what a child has to be.
We have a few left basic skills for conscious fatherhood and motherhood that I will review and develop in the following topics. We can learn a lot together, so I invite you to comment on what are in your opinion other issues that parents would have to work on.
