Removing the child from the nursery or not is an issue that many parents face in the first years of their child's life, when they realize that the child is not happy. But When is it convenient to remove the child from daycare?
Children do not need to go to daycare
Let's start from the base: children do not need to go to the nursery, it is a requirement of the productive system, as Carlos González explained in the interview he gave to Babies and more. Small human beings need to be raised by their mothers and fathers, surrounded by family and close friends who form a kind of "tribe" but do not need at all to be separated from their families at all and less with the excuse of socializing or espabilen.
Naturally, let's make it clear, is that babies and toddlers are with their mothers all the time and not that they mix with many other babies in the care of strangers in a differentiated space.
Starting from this, the nursery It may be necessary for parents, because today women's work moves in patterns that do not include their children. And I say this since women have always worked and they did it perfectly reconciling the attention to their babies with their productive life.
Today many times (well, with the crisis less) dad and mom work outside the home and in an environment completely hostile to babies and without care spaces in their workplace or nearby and without any flexibility. Do not give them anything to look for who takes care of their babies in their absence.
Nursery schools cover that function: they keep babies while their parents work. In addition to this basic function, they can and should take care of children correctly and offer affection, attachment, games, stimuli, learning and safety, but of course for children to feel loved, attached, play, stimulate, learn and be safe. Daycare centers are not necessary nor are they the best option.
Happy children and unhappy children
There are children who are very happy in the nursery, although, even if they love it, the ideal thing is that they didn't have to spend more than two or three hours in it, playing and counting that they already had more than a year or a year and a half. The little ones, who neither walk nor communicate well, may feel comfortable and calm, but it is difficult to think that they will be better than with an exclusive and attached caregiver.
Let's see what signs help us detect if a child is happy in the nursery: he hugs his caregiver, wants to enter if we go through the door, gets up happily and asks to go to the “school”, his sleep and feeding patterns do not suffer changes, He is relaxed and happy, does not develop aggressive behaviors such as biting or hitting, is not more nervous or has more tantrums.
That is to say, the nursery It is a place where it has been adapted and they attend it correctly offering you good experiences of play, affection and fun: a good nursery.
But there are children who are clearly not well at daycare, or maybe they are not in the right nursery. They are sadder, nervous, aggressive. They have fears and night terrors. They are incompetent or very hungry. They cry when they enter each time or enter crestfallen, resigned. They show no special affection for the caretakers nor they for them. They are apathetic. They say they don't want to go. We perceive less joy, security and serenity in general in their behavior.
Sometimes the cause will be that the nursery is not adequate, sometimes simply that that specifically for our child is not, without it being anyone's fault. And we must detect it and do everything possible to offer them, at least, a care environment in which they can feel happy.
Those responsible for offering our children a place where they are happy are we, their parents. If something does not work and is not solved, instead of complaining about the child or fighting the system of that space I think the first thing is to find another solution so that our child does not suffer.
These may be behaviors that last for a while, due to their adaptation to a new environment for which they were not emotionally prepared or due to other external circumstances (not everything will depend on the nursery). As parents, what we should do is to be attentive, offer them more pampering and closeness to compensate for the separation and analyze whether their sadness or tension extends over time.
If our son is not happy we should be able to recognize him and take it out of the nursery, looking for viable alternatives.
Alternatives to the nursery
If our son is not happy nor is he being cared for as we want in daycare, I think the logical decision is to get him out. Of course, I understand that this is not always possible or simple, but I encourage you, as parents, to look for all possible alternatives.
Being at home with a caregiver who deals only with the child is an ideal solution, but we must look for someone of extreme confidence, because at home we will not have the same supervision that is in the centers. Of course, grandparents or other family members will be an option to consider, whenever they can or want to.
Ultimately, if neither the family can nor do we get a trusted caregiver we can explore other alternatives to the nursery: alternative schools and play spaces with respectful and open philosophies or, in the end, look for another nursery or nursery school that compensates for advantages and disadvantages . You don't have to resign yourself, you have to keep looking, yes, you have to take the child out of the nursery if it is evident that he is not being happy.
