This March we have dedicated it to fatherhood in Babies and more. And we wanted to interview several parents committed to a change in parenting and reflecting on being a father in blogs, associative activities and in their professional work. Last week we talked with Ernesto Juan, president of the Besos y Brazos association and today we are going to interview Elvis Canino, creator of the page "Do not mistreat me, I am a child".
Elvis is the father of Eva Daniela and defines himself as a musician, blogger and writer, as well as an activist for the Rights of the Child and the Humanization of Childbirth. He is currently training as a doula and manages, along with his wife Janeth Ivimas, the page “Parenting with Attachment is my way of changing the World”.
Dear Elvis, can you tell us how “Do not mistreat me, I am a child” was born?
It started with my Fatherhood. I hugged my daughter one day and suddenly I felt an immense need to tell everyone that child abuse has no place in this world.
The only way to save ourselves as Humanity is to make respect for children a Universal priority, it's as if she had whispered it in my ear ... I still don't know how to explain it.
And how did you start work as an activist?
I started writing and printing flyers that I distributed in the subway cars when I was going to work, but I realized that it was not enough. So I decided to create a blog, so the message began to reach corners where I never thought to be read. Today we continue to distribute flyers and write on the blog, but we also run support groups for moms and dads; We give talks and give workshops. All in favor of the total eradication of violence in the upbringing of our children, attachment as a revolutionary style of parenting and the humanization of childbirth, which I consider a key point to eradicate the violence of our world.
How do you think any father lives the beginning of breastfeeding and that union between mother and son?
The most difficult thing for any father is to understand, without feeling excluded, that the mother is entirely due to the baby, especially in the first months of life. The delivery and the fusion must be total, and that is not easy to assimilate especially in this macho and patriarchal world.
We have become accustomed to the fact that the man should receive total attention from his wife.
Imagine, we live in a world that prepares women since childhood to serve and attend to her husband. Look at what predominates in toys, children's TV programs, and even in children's songs.
But when the baby arrives the man may feel that he is relegated to the background, right?
Yes, Mireia, that is. Suddenly this dad, who in most cases has been raised with these precepts, is relegated because his partner must stop paying exclusive attention to attend full time to his baby, who in fact does need it.
Is it so hard for parents to change their mental and emotional scheme?
I think that fatherhood is an opportunity that life gives men to grow and finish hatching from our own infantilization.
Many of us reach adulthood with a very bad relationship with our inner child, with many conflicts not healed with our parents, with much resentment and insecurity often unconscious and almost always the product of precisely the kind of upbringing we were given.
And what better chance to heal than when we meet face to face with our own inner child?
That happens with intensity at the same time we embrace fatherhood, although in most cases unfortunately we do not realize.
Do you understand, then, Elvis, that there are parents who may feel left out?
Of course. Many parents feel left out, they may feel not only excluded but jealous.
Then they begin to demand attention in different ways and look at the baby as a rival with whom he competes for the mother's love and attention. The important thing as parents is that we recognize that fatherhood is a real opportunity to grow, discover and leave behind the macho precepts that have been passed down from generation to generation, to the point that you can almost never be totally immune to them. We must understand that the best way to connect with our true masculinity is to assume a protective and supportive role. And not demanding the attention and contact that at this moment a small and defenseless creature needs much more than we do.
There will be time to regain privacy, there will be time to be pampered again. We must integrate ourselves into the circle of love, instead of moving away or, worse, "getting in".
How did you feel?
I confess that in a moment I also felt it, although I must thank life for allowing me to silence my own ego to listen to that instruction manual that we all have well kept in a place well hidden from our heart.
Any recommendations for a first-time dad?
Patience, love, protection. They must become a protector of their partner and their baby. The environment will always attack, consciously or unconsciously always will. The pediatrician, the neighbor, the stranger who sits next door in the subway, family, friends ... especially family and friends. Let's look at the example of a fortress. The fortress has a fortified redoubt that projects outside its main body, usually in one of its corners. It is called a stronghold, and it is the strong point of defense against the assault of enemy troops, that is where the attacks are received, because that is what dad must become, an emotional stronghold that will protect mom and baby from all attacks and especially the "noise" of the environment. The bastions were created when the traditional defenses were no longer strong enough to resist cannon shots ... And is it not precisely to cannon shots of what mom and baby are exposed in this modern world that condemns and judges anything that reconnects us with our more basic instincts, cataloging the instinctive of "involutive" and even "barbaric"? Mom also needs to be taken care of, to be heard, understood and supported. Sometimes our ego and our own insecurity make us deaf and blind to this.
Is it important, then, the role of the father in breastfeeding?
Breastfeeding is an act of three. Dad must take care that nobody breaks the harmony between mom and baby. Sometimes that means stop behaving like children in front of our own parents and keep them also at bay when the situation requires it. It will never be easy, but sooner or later you will understand, I can attest to that.
Do you feel that your fatherhood caused a protective eagerness that you did not know before?
Of course yes. I will never get tired of saying that my fatherhood made me born again. See, smell, hear and feel the world in a different way. Feel that desire to protect each child as if it were mine. Look into the eyes again of the child that lives in me. Anyway, it has allowed me to explore immense facets and regions within me that I did not completely know.
I think that fatherhood is a very wise way that has the nature of putting us on the path of the path, by which we will truly complete our learning in this world.
Tomorrow we will continue talking, in this Parenthood interview with Elvis Canino, to whom we thank the time dedicated to Babies and more and their great sensitivity.
In Babies and more | "The best place for a newborn is the arms of his mother." Interview with Jose Ernesto Juan, of the Besos y Brazos Association, "The dedication to raising my son is offering me a lot on a personal level." Interview with Jose Ernesto Juan, founder of the Besos y Brazos Association, Father's Month in Babies and more
