Among all the good ones purposes for back to school Of those I am gathering, how to help them find their talent or eliminate the rush of our mornings, there is one that keeps me awake.
The comparisons are hateful, we all know that, but, now that La Segunda starts first in primary school following the wake of her sister who faces third this year, I wonder how I am going to do not compare them and use one as a scourge or motivation for the other .
Are they jealous or is it divine justice?
One question that I often ask as a large mother is whether my daughters have been jealous when the little ones have been born. The truth is that no, little sisters are usually received as very realistic toys to enjoy as a family and we have not had to face any significant drama. However, we have suffered some kind of jealousy among sisters, especially among the elders who only take a year and a half.
I don't know if they are exactly jealous or an exacerbated sense of fairness mixed with the need to secure the position among such competition. The high point was reached last summer when they could not bear to say something to one without the corresponding praise for the other. Come to story or not. With this panorama they will understand that I get chills every time I think about how I will manage to get the best out of each one without the other being obfuscated and vice versa.
The importance of each one's progress
When La Primera started the college of elders, La Segunda passed it regularly. It was gathered that the oldest turns years in August, the month in which she also lost her first tooth, in September she started school with all the corresponding hype and saucer, and life became a constant cheering every time she was adding school feats like Learn to add, read your first syllable or write your first sentence. Until one day The Second, after some brave brave to some badly done duties, asked me very seriously if what she did was also important.
Then I realized the amount of time and attention I was devoting to the major. So much so that the others thought that their advances and small conquests were irrelevant. This made me reflect. Since then I always have in mind in which phase each one is to try to support them in their next step and give them all the necessary hype when La Tercera manages to clean the culete or La Segunda manages to decipher a new word down the street.
The truth and nothing but the truth
Many times instead, giving each one the attention and encouragement they need is not as difficult as knowing how to praise the qualities of one without offending the shortcomings of the next. Every child is a world, physically, emotionally and intellectually. Teaching each one to love himself for what he is, to accept himself with his strengths and weaknesses is not always easy but we must be realistic and not feed false expectations in our children.
It is of no use to a short child that we tell him that he will be the tallest in his class, nor is it worth a child with a bad ear to tell him that he sings like angels. In our case, the older ones are also very different and what is good for the other is not so good. I try, as far as possible and reasonable, to understand that each one is different, that this is good and that they all have great things that make them special people.
Passed by the same standard
In school, this is even more difficult since they face the same challenges with different talents that in the end are evaluated with a more or less homogeneous criterion. A mother then has to resort to her diplomatic skills to know how to praise one's triumphs without this being understood as a failure or less merit of the other.
How to praise an outstanding one without making the other brother's good seem mediocre? How to tell a sister that an approval that has cost her effort is phenomenal without demotivating the one she aspires to a notable?
That they are in different classes and with different teachers helps, of course, but as parents we have to learn to lay the foundations for the future and try to find a way to help each one get as far as they can without getting their complexes limitations or shade the triumphs of some other brother.
You cannot measure all children by the same standard, nor judge, value or reward grades with the same criteria. We should not compare or use one brother as an example for the other, each one needs his place and his own lessons.
A work of the whole family
This is a task that not only depends on the parents, we must involve the whole family since many times the comments that most hurt or discourage our children come from their uncles, grandparents or other relatives who are perhaps not so aware of the sensitivities that can be hurt between siblings.
In this it is convenient to start with the brothers themselves. It is important to teach some brothers to encourage and celebrate others. They should also know that at specific times one may need a little more attention or help and that there are special moments for a family member in which you have to participate in the background.
As we must also teach them to help each other and to cheer up when someone faces a challenge that is costing them more.
It is a titanic task, I will not deny it, but it is perhaps one of the most important purposes that we can mark for the return to school. The comparisons are hateful, a family is a team, everyone has their place and we must help them find the place where they feel comfortable, loved and motivated to learn and improve.
