We are approaching Father's Day and to celebrate it we will interview, as we did last year, several parents that they will tell us their vision and their experience of an emotionally intense paternity.
We start with David Lay, who is one of the most detailed bloggers in the parenting network, known and followed on his page And dad too. David is 42 years old, married to Montse and has two children, Arnau who is 6 years old and little Judith with 2 years.
Professionally he is dedicated to accompanying, advising and managing the presence of companies in social networks and that is evident in his magnificent work as a communicator in the world of parenting.
How have you united your profession with your father role?
I am currently working from home on various projects related to social media, so I can combine work and family life by being able to take care of the children while my wife works away from home. That makes me dedicated to one of my passions, the world 2.0 I am a paternity / maternity blogger thanks to the blog "And Dad Also" where I explain the experiences I live with my children in the wonderful world of fatherhood. I also participate and collaborate in different maternity blogs and I am one of the founders of Real Ya Conciliation. Everything is related: being a father and being a professional.
How has paternity changed your life?
Being a father has been a huge change in my life, since going from having a series of obligations within the family nucleus composed of two people, changing that whole world with the arrival of the little ones at home, became a brutal leap and without network towards the wonderful adventure of fatherhood.
Life has changed me in the way of seeing things, in the way of feeling them and, above all, in the way of living them. The issues have become a succession of daily events that have as their sole purpose the raising of children. A wonderful path, although we do not fool ourselves sometimes hard, but that has a happy ending, as it is to see my children grow day by day and evolve as people within the society in which we live.
And you, have you changed a lot?
Fatherhood has changed me as a person.
He has taught me to value certain issues and things that happen daily and that I used to see as a man and now I have come to see them as a father.
Are you the father you thought you would be?
The theory is wonderful and is perfectly explained in many places, but when it comes to putting it into practice the thing changes a lot and that is what happened to me when I wanted to become the father I thought it would be. When I had no children, I loved children, I had (and I have) what many people call "good hands with children". That was my "theory", that of a man who loves little ones. When my first child was born, I wanted to put all that knowledge into practice, but the adventure of fatherhood showed me that being a father is not what one thinks of "his" perfect universe.
So what does it mean to be a father?
Being a father means learning every day, making mistakes and getting right to make mistakes again and getting right again, I consider myself a follower of the trial-error method. In short, being a father is learning next to my children and evolving in my path as a father in the same way that they evolve in their path as people.
Are you the father you want to be?
I try to be as far as possible, but as a good human I am wrong and a lot and in the fact of being a father could not be less, so I also have moments of errors mixed with some point of success. At home we try to train our children in the best way we know, since nobody has the exact formula to get perfect children and, of course, in this adventure of fatherhood / motherhood nobody is born taught, we have to learn with the day to day, with what I commented before the trial-error and with the evolution of all. It is also true that sometimes there are external factors that influence paternity time since not everything is in our circle of influence, but if we can do something to become part of our circle and thus change it, we do it.
What have your children taught you?
All. My children have made me older (I do not speak of physical age), in mental age, they are helping me in my evolution as a person and as a father and they are accompanying me in this fantastic path of fatherhood.
Thanks to my children I am learning new things every day.
I learn the happiness that a smile hides, the pain that is felt behind a cry, the importance of listening and reading between the lines, the value of things no matter how small they are and curiosity about the new since when we get older it seems that We lose the sense of surprise and thanks to them I have rediscovered it.
In short, I am learning with them the meaning of the word love, the love felt by people who come into your life and who become the center of our universe as a couple.
Do you educate how they educated you?
I try not to, but I explain myself so that there are no misunderstandings. I am very happy with my education, but I come from a time, which unfortunately we still live in some places, where the father figure was a simple provider of money at home, a person who was only to work and when he came home he had to be Quiet and you didn't have to bother him. That made the majority of the men of my generation be raised by mom (I imagine that this Latin feeling of "veneration" that men have towards the mother comes from here), while the father was just that, the head of the family . I try to do the opposite. At home we are two and that is why we both dedicate ourselves equally, we become an active part of raising and educating children in equal parts, that is, at home if there is a father and a mother.
Is it difficult to reconcile as a man or are you less asked?
More than difficult I think that people see it strange that a man wants to reconcile. Without a doubt this is another one of those tips so macho that they still last in our society and that unfortunately is also seen in some women. Seeing a man who tries to reconcile work and family is considered strange, a kind of mythological animal within this society so macho that we still live, since man, as I explained before, has to assimilate the role of provider and leave the woman the work of parenting and the day to day of the children. Luckily the thing is changing little by little, men have started our "revolution", we have shouted towards the few women and many men who still have those vices of previous times and we are telling them that we want to participate, that it is time to change stereotypes of the past, that we want to be part of the family and move from being providers to becoming co-responsible and active parents.
How do you organize in your partner for the care of your children?
Currently my partner works outside the home and I do it indoors, so I am the one who takes care of the children during the day, combining it with hours of work, and when she arrives I just closed the pending tasks while she Dedicate to being with them. For the rest it is a joint organization in every way, we do not have some fixed tasks, since if one sets out to prepare dinner, then the other is dedicated to playing with them and then the one who has been in the kitchen puts them to bed. We are multifunction in this sense, we combine the different care times without problem, but without having some work assigned to each one.
In addition to being a father you are a well-known blogger in the world of parenting, what motivated you to have a blog?
Thanks for the acquaintance! The biggest and only reason I started writing a blog about fatherhood / motherhood was my children. When Judith was born we already had the experience of the elder when it came to raising her, although one never just had all the necessary experience. So I thought it would be a good time to start explaining the adventures and misadventures as a father, no advice since I am nobody to give them, but if I tell my daily experiences and show my way in this world in case someone could help .
That is why he was born And dad too, a place within the blogosphere in which to show my story as a father and also learn from other mothers and fathers who also explain their stories.
Why are so few parents actively involved in communication issues about parenting and education?
Because we are men and we are not very communicative (of course there are always exceptions and very good ones), but by definition we are not able to express our feelings, our fears, our beliefs and our opinion in many aspects and the world of parenting and education is not It was going to be less. It is difficult for us to explain what we do, once again because of the society we bring as ballast, since a man who is involved, who collaborates, who counts what he feels is still considered in some areas as someone special, as a weirdo and that sometimes causes us to withdraw and "force" us not to communicate. But every negative side has a positive corner and that is what we have to work on. We have to be able to get involved in such a way that we are heard, that we hit the table and say: "I am a man but I am also a father and I want to prove it by being an active part of the upbringing and education of my children."
What are your goals when writing?
Explain my experiences as a parent involved and make my situation known. Show that men are also capable of raising, educating, accompanying our children in the adventure of growing and evolving. I want to show how I do things, that of course they are neither the best nor the worst are simply mine, and if with them I can help, not advise, other men to be committed, co-responsible and active parents within an involved parenthood Well, I'm happy. Another goal also when writing is to learn. I want to explain my stories because when someone reads me I would love to be corrected, to be told that they would do it differently, that they would act differently, since that will make me enrich myself as a person and as a father, it will help me in all the senses.
We thank David Lay, author of And Dad also this interview that has granted Babies and more and that I am sure he has shown us that face of parents who represent a new way of living masculinity and upbringing.
