In recent years you are hearing about the so-called 'Emperor Syndrome', which comes to be when a child (already a teenager) he becomes an abuser of his parents. We are facing a growing phenomenon that should concern us in its proper measure, although it is also true that it is necessary to analyze the news presented to avoid social alarmism.
And it is often intended to place the behavior of children during early childhood as a cause of the 'tyrant child' (another denomination we will find). The lack of limits of the parents is alleged and the tantrums are indicated as destructive behaviors that pretend to dominate the parents and they can turn the child into a batterer over time. With this argument, there are few voices that are in favor of physical abuse of children ('this would not have happened in our time', 'how good it cheats in time!'). I think we have not yet realized that it is possible to educate responsible people, without resorting to whipping.
It is clear that the absence of authority on the part of the parents, the laxity in the norms of coexistence, and the permissiveness (As an attitude that allows children to achieve everything they want), they do not favor the healthy development of children, and also in the long term they jeopardize family stability.
But I would like to make it clear that it is possible to combine an affectionate and empathic education with the establishment of clear norms (or limits). Of course, taking into account that the rules should never interfere in the healthy development of childhood activities, that is: they will be focused on avoiding harmful behaviors for the environment and for oneself.
For example, you should obviously be educated to prevent a child from showing cruel behavior towards his siblings, but it is not healthy to prohibit him from getting dirty in the park, leaving alone with his friends when he is 11 years old, nor having his own ideas regarding how you want to spend your free time, or how to organize your duties (unless you have compelling reasons)
On the other hand (and returning to the topic of tantrums, which many want to turn into mental illnesses) it is healthy to help children express their discomfort in other ways - and depending on the age this will be more or less important - but not is to punish him for screaming or kicking.
Do not tell me saying that an adult father or mother feels dominated by seeing a child of two, four, six or eight years very angry; we are old enough to fit that behavior without giving in to 'whims', and offering in return understanding and tools so that our child does not feel so bad due to the reason that caused the episode
What are the causes of Emperor Syndrome?
There are some experts who point out the abandonment of family functions, overprotection, lack of authority and lack of affection on the part of parents, such as factors that can trigger the increase in cases of emperor syndrome among children and adolescents.
We must add the permissiveness that, on more than one occasion, intends to replace a close and warm family relationship
Other professionals such as Vicente Garrido Genovés (criminal psychologist and professor at the University of Valencia), believe that in addition to social factors there are other causes.
It is marked biology as responsible for the difficulty in developing moral emotions and awareness, and sociology, when the feeling of guilt is discredited and hedonism is encouraged and effortlessly achieved.
In Garrido's opinion, a solid conscience is the best guide for children's behavior. But for this to develop you need more commitment not only by the family (at this point we will have understood that it is not the only 'guilty') as for society as a whole.
The disappearance of natural communities and the estrangement of the extended family, often leaves the father and mother alone - and not rarely only one of them - facing the education of children (and this is frustrating); and the use of audiovisual media as support, transfers a hedonistic vision of life to the little ones. Thus, they perceive that desires are achieved effortlessly, that the protagonists of their series have no parents to guide them, and that people are valued based on their 'possessions' (consumerism in its most ruthless facet attacks the children).
How are the 'tyrant children'?
I warn that my intention is far from offering precise characterizations, This is very dangerous because we can interpret that an impulsive nine-year-old boy, who also challenges and lies to his parents, can become a candidate for 'Emperor syndrome'. And perhaps it is only the combination of an excessively demanding personality (of affections), with the autonomy of growing thought that marks pre-adolescence.
I think that the worrying behaviors of children should be placed in context: if we do not understand them, and much more, if the family is suffering, it is when we can begin to look for solutions (which perhaps must be external).
In general there is talk of children who cannot make ethical distinctions, who do not link with their parents, who do not correct mistakes, who are self-centered, who do not show empathy, and who are cruel to others
I think the characteristics that I have pointed out are relative, because a 12-year-old girl does not have to be closely linked to her parents anymore, and 'correcting mistakes' costs us even adults. But let's not fall into the trap of thinking that 'things are fixed alone' if we see that our son grows and does not develop moral conscience, we must intervene.
What can we do about it parents?
Educate consciously and dedicate time to children. But also educate them on their own or other people's emotions, and be aware of satisfying their most basic needs (it does not count to believe that we are obliged to buy 10 packages of Invizimals cards a week). Above all, we will remember that demonstrations of affection must be part of the family, do parents not unconditionally love children? Let's prove it to collaborate in this way in the development of self-esteem, yes: let's not confuse love with material gifts.
Let's prevent physical or psychological or social violence from becoming habitual behavior at home. How did your body stay when you see that your middle child threatens the little one in a similar way to how he has seen you do, or blackmails the big one by reminding you of your last strategy to control him?
We must assume that we are human and recognize our mistakes to correct them. And we will be equally insightful when observing inappropriate behavior in our children
It's very important talk about the consequences of the actions, and explain what morality is, also what society expects from citizens who live together. It is also to show them the importance of effort and perseverance in order to achieve the desired goals.
I repeat that there must be clear rules in the family (better few and consistent that can be met, that a list of 100 demands impossible to address, which also do not serve to educate the little ones). And although I don't like talking about punishments (or prizes), our children must be able to face the consequences of their actions.
I have known the case of a family with a 10-year-old son who had been promised a small pay for autonomously performing household chores at home, but the perception of money was also conditioned on the maintenance of acceptable behavior. After a difficult week in which the boy expressed his dissatisfaction with his parents insulting them and trying to hit his brothers, he had decided to reduce the agreed amount, and the parents had offered help to change the behavior, while allowing the child express your discomfort more constructively
Our children they must know exactly what we expect from them, and they have the right to receive values education from us, and to correct their mistakes (as Marcos pointed out a few hours ago). Of course we have the right to correct them, and the obligation to find a balance that satisfies everyone and helps children grow up healthy.
Upgrade : I wanted to insert an update because the solution is not always our hands, and sometimes the situation requires the intervention of a therapist. A few years ago during a training course I received, the rapporteur commented that if parents are able to spend money on expendable material objects, we should also be willing to pay for the consultation of a family psychologist when things get out of hand; it is not going to be that we value the external appearances more than the well-being of ours. And I would add that in the same way that we knock on doors to find the dentist that will best serve our children, we must also do so in order to locate a therapist who is 'on everyone's side' and does not see the child as the cause of all the evils: it is about improving family dynamics, not focusing on individual behavior.
Images | Ju! CE, Niklas Hellerstedt On Peques and More | It is a serious problem that children and adolescents mistreat their parents
