Have you ever felt that you are failing in this whole matter of being a mother? Perhaps most of us have come through difficult days where that feeling of failure, fear or insecurity invades us in which we doubt our abilities as moms. And is that being a mother is not a path of roses, just as there are beautiful and joyful moments, there are also some that test our temper and confidence in ourselves.
That is why an emotional and comforting message from a mother, making sure we are doing a good job even though we can feel that we are a "terrible disaster", has made many mothers feel better about their motherhood.
Being a mother, an unknown adventure
Becoming a mother is -probably- the biggest adventure, beautiful and at the same time challenging, that we can live as women. During pregnancy we do our best to prepare, read and inform ourselves so that the time of the birth of our babies has arrived, we are ready.
However, nothing truly prepares us for that moment when becoming a mother becomes something "real." Being a mom is going into an unknown adventure, full of good and bad experiences, ups and downs that make us very happy or that make us doubt if we have the slightest idea of what we are doing. Many times, we allow this last feeling to dominate us, when it shouldn't be that way.
"You are mothering, and you are doing very well"
Laura Mazza is the mother of two children and the author of the blog "Mom on the run", who a few months ago shared an emotional conversation she had with her husband, after she told him shattered, that he no longer had the body of which he he had fallen in love and he would answer in a beautiful way, confessing how he fell more and more in love with her and her body for everything she could do.
Now, Laura again shares another conversation, this time with her psychologist, in which she reminds us that even in those days we feel that our motherhood is a disaster and nothing goes well for us, we are doing a great job as moms.
I see a psychologist every two weeks to keep all my emotions in order. For this particular appointment, I didn't get someone to take care of my children and I arrived 25 minutes late, with both of them screaming while we entered the appointment.
"I'm sorry I'm late, I'm a terrible disaster. I'm a bad mom. I can't put my things in order, blablabla ... You know how I am ... I'm so sorry," pointing to my two children, "I didn't have anyone else."
She smiled at me and told me to sit down. I let out a huge sigh, sat down and wanted to cry.
She told me, "You're not a bad mother, do you know how I can know that? For all the things you just mentioned."
He asked me: "Why are you late?"
I replied: "Because my son did not like the shirt he wanted to wear, so I changed it."
She told me: "So you took the time to dress your children, and even respected what they wanted to use to express themselves ... why are you a terrible disaster?"
"Because I have a cereal stain on my children's breakfast skirt and my mascara is running down my face because of the heat."
She told me: "So you gave breakfast to your children and helped them to eat it, you made the effort for yourself and you wanted to look presentable for our time together ... why can't you put your things in order?" He asked me while He was smiling
"Because I had no one to take care of my children and because I was late," I replied.
She said: "Then, instead of canceling today, you did the hardest thing in the world for someone with anxiety and for someone with two children. You dressed, dressed your two children, fed them, took them out of the house, and came to your date because you want to be better for them. "
And then she leaned toward me and said, "And you know why you're not a mother of shit? Why did you do all that. And you do it every day. You put all your needs first. Every need, from the emotional, the physical and their wellbeing Every day For children to grow emotionally stable, they only need 30% of us Only 30% every day to grow happy and loved, but even though you now have your time, you have already given them more than that. You've given them a toy when they wanted it, you looked at them while you talked to me because they wanted your attention, and you were late because their needs were first. They know all that, and they feel so comfortable knowing you're there to them, that they arrive as if they were the owners of the place, because their mother makes them feel safe and comfortable, no matter where they go. Mothers only need to give 30%, but we always give 90%, if not more , every day. Does that sound c Like someone who can't tidy up his things? Or does it sound like someone who is trying his best despite the adversities that come his way? "
I said: "I believe ...", and I smiled. Then I asked him, "You said 90%, what about the other 10%?"
She told me: "The other 10% regularly is because mothers have to hide in the bathroom for their needs ... so we give them that 10% free to have two minutes of peace for us."
So wherever you go, if your children scream, your clothes are stained, your eyes are swollen from how tired you are and you feel you are a disaster, remember that all these are SIGNS that you are nursing, and you are doing very good".
Laura's post received hundreds of comments and more than 5,000 likes, because many mothers felt identified, and many more, comforted, when reading the message of the story: We are not a terrible disaster and we are doing well.
Since I was a mom, there is a phrase I like to say and it has helped me try to be less hard on myself: life with young children is completely unpredictable. Many times we can make plans and on some of those occasions, unforeseen events arise that we do not consider and that take us by surprise: the children get sick, are not in the mood or simply, something goes wrong.
Be kind to yourself
Sometimes it happens that we demand a lot from ourselves. And how not to do it? If the formation, upbringing and education of a person depends largely on us. The first years of life are very important and of course we do not want to make a mistake, so we work to always give the best of ourselves.
But neither is it that we are stressed all the time or that we feel overwhelmed. Motherhood is difficult, of course. But we must also remember that it is never perfect. Our children will be served much more by a happy mom, than a stressed mom.
If things do not go as planned, if unforeseen events occur that alter your routine a little, if your children at that time need something that clashes with what you were doing, do not worry. Hundreds of things beyond our control can occur on a daily basis, so the best thing we can do is not overwhelm ourselves, learn to always have a 'Plan B' and / or invent solutions on the go (which is also something that it gives us very good mothers.)
Enjoy motherhood, forgive your mistakes, accept the lessons I can leave you and don't be so hard on yourself. We are all doing the best we can, with what we have and with the capacity and knowledge that is in our hands.
Photos | iStock
Via | Independent
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