The invisible work of mothers: the one nobody sees, few value and so much depletes us

A few days ago I read a debate on social networks about the invisible work of mothers; that what nobody sees and very few value, but that exhausts and wears like none. In addition, and although it is an essential work for the day to day of the family, you feel that nobody is aware of it and can become really frustrating.

Yesterday I was reflecting on this issue with a friend, and although we start from the basis that we both have partners involved in the physical and emotional upbringing of children, we realized that this type of work still continues to fall on us: why? .

Everyday situations that only mom takes care of

"Mom, I can't find my reading book! Have you seen it?". Of course I have seen it. The book was under the sofa cushions, those that I place and mullar every night before I go to sleep.

This nocturnal ritual, which seems to my husband to be somewhat absurd and lacking in logic ("Why do you leave the sofa so stretched if as soon as we sit down we will relocate it again?" - he always asks me with the astonished look), makes us find lost objects, remote controls or mobile phones buried under the cushions. But it seems that only I can think of doing it ...

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"Good morning, I called to make an appointment with the pediatrician because my son has a review of the Healthy Child ", he told the receptionist at the health center this morning. Specifically, this is the four-year review, which includes a visit to the pediatrician and vaccines. But at home only I consider this type of dating.

If my children get sick, my husband also takes them to the pediatrician, to the emergency room or where it is needed, but do not talk about vaccines or periodic check-ups because he is not up to date. He does not know what vaccines are on and off the calendar, the latest developments in this field, the periodicity of dental or vision exams ...

All this is my business, and it is not difficult to feel overwhelmed by such a great responsibility, especially when you are a mother of a large family with children in such different ages.

"Dear families, for the end-of-the-year festival students must come dressed as… ". And there is mom, adapting the costume to the child's size, customizing the ornaments, and devising the missing complement to make it perfect.

And despite the titanic effort that sewing work requires (in which I am not exactly right-handed), to soak myself during YouTube tutorial days to get the idea right, or to dedicate the last retouching the night before the festival, nobody seems to realize this very important work.

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Something similar happens with the celebration of my children's birthdays. If it is a family birthday we both organize and prepare it together, but as it is to celebrate with school friends, mom is a key piece.

Think about where and how to celebrate it, notify the parents of the invited children, confirm attendance, decide the gifts ... in short, Check that there is no lack of detail to make the party unforgettable, however much it is a discrete or reduced celebration.

When invisible work haunts you ... even at night!

And when night comes, far from falling asleep in bed and sleeping soundly as everyone does, my head keeps turning and reminding me of the things that have been pending:

  • "I don't forget tomorrow put a water gun in the camp backpack, which the monitors have told us will do water games "
  • "Tomorrow, without fail, I have to check the little boy's hair, that this afternoon I have seen him scratch several times, lest he have unwanted visitors ... "
  • Oh, what a mess! We have our friends' wedding in 15 days and I still haven't taken a place to buy sandals for the girl. This week can't happen "
  • I haven't ordered the school textbooks yet and we're going on vacation in a few days! Don't forget to do it tomorrow! "
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You may find yourself identified with some of the examples described, or you may experience other similar situations frequently. Be that as it may, it is not difficult to understand why mothers sometimes feel so exhausted in the face of that "invisible work" that haunts us day and night.

And, despite the fact that the responsibilities of raising children and the home are shared as a couple, we often continue talking about this mental burden that mothers carry; a load that consumes us energy and undermines our emotional health.

But even if it seems impossible, and although every night we feel that without us in command of the family ship it would be shipwrecked, we can change the situation by planning and organizing equitably, not only in obvious tasks, but also in the face of such less visible but important situations. Are you agree?

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