Christmas is fast approaching and many parents meet some dilemmas about gifts and the symbol of the Magi, but above all on how to transmit values as far as this is concerned. To help you today we are going to interview the psychologist Mónica Serrano, specialist in child psychology, whom we can usually find in his page Psychology and Parenting.
Many people are still accustomed to using the Magi as a kind of omnipresent policeman who watches and judges the children to determine whether or not they will deserve gifts. They tell them that they are going to bring them coal or threaten them that they will run out of nothing because they are not behaving well. But at the same time, despite custom, many of us also wonder if that fuels a healthy relationship of our children with us and with the Christmas gift Wonderful is the existence of the Magi of the East.
In our interview we are going to ask Monica Serrano how to present the Magi as a positive symbol that makes our relationship with children closer and more reliable. After all, as she says well in the interview, The Magi are a symbol of parents' love for their children.
Is it convenient to tell children that if they are not good, kings will not bring gifts?
Since always, the figure of the Magi, Santa Claus or the Little Mouse Perez have been used as an adult strategy to modify children's behaviors or avoid undesirable behaviors.
However, using these figures as an educational resource focused on the threat of not receiving gifts, is still a strategy based on punishment and fear, assigning authority and control to magical beings who, in reality, would be representing the parental wishes This mechanism, like any punishment or threat, is not beneficial at all for children, who can see their self-esteem deteriorated and learn to act based on the avoidance of an unpleasant situation, leaving control of their attitudes and behaviors in people external instead of learning to decide, choose and act with their own criteria.
The idea of being observed by a higher power that judges you, do you see it harmful?
The figure of the Three Kings or Santa Claus are representing, in a symbolic way, the parents. In fact, there will come a time that this representation will materialize in the real when the children discover that "The Magi are the parents."
Therefore, with the idea of authority represented by the Magi we are transmitting to our children the image of ourselves as parents. Starting from this premise, we must reflect, then, on what we really want to convey to you: an authoritative figure that judges and rewards or punishes based on the child's behavior or a figure that accompanies, cares for and offers a gift unconditionally.
What should the children be told?
In my opinion, the most beneficial option for the emotional development of the child is related to the unconditional love of the father and, since the figure of Los Reyes represents the parents, this unconditionality must be reflected in the symbol. So, to your question I have to answer yes, that I think it is harmful to convey to children the image of a superior being who judges and punishes, even more so when this being is symbolically representing the parents themselves.
How do we explain to children that they cannot have everything they ask for?
When we convey to our children the legend of the Magi, it may seem complicated to explain that they cannot give them everything they ask. The child might wonder why not, if they are magicians? However, the characteristics of the development of the thinking of young children (2-7 years, approximately) make it possible for explanations based on fantasy to be assimilated as possible. Thus, parents should seek an explanation for the fact that their children will not receive everything they want. To do this, they must reflect on what they want to convey with that explanation. In my opinion, this explanation must be based on positive, cooperative or altruistic concepts of the type: we have to leave room for the gifts of the other children or if we ask for many things the camels of Los Reyes are going to get tired of having to carry so much weight . We can also opt for practical explanations such as: they may not have been able to find that toy or they may not realize that the toy was missing. It is about transmitting to children that they cannot have everything they want based the explanation on concepts focused on the activity of Los Reyes, not on value judgments about the way of being or the child's behavior.
We thank the psychologist Mónica Serrano the interview she has given to Babies and more And we hope to continue offering readers tips to help them make this Christmas happy and respectful of their children. Tomorrow we'll talk to her about Christmas presents in times of economic crisis and on the Christmas consumerism of the little ones.
